The Place Where I Land
by bosswoman88
Summary: after the finale, based on some of recent spoilers. will mostly be about Maddie plotting to "fix" things once and for all.
1. Chapter 1

Rayna stood in the middle of her kitchen with that ring crushed tightly in her closed fist.

_The place where I land…is the palm of your hand… _

She closed her eyes against the tears that threatened to spill over. As if that would stop them.

Time seemed frozen, as she heard Deacon's footsteps retreating behind her. Her mouth wouldn't speak. Her feet couldn't move. Seconds seemed like hours as behind her closed eyelashes years of hurt and pain and wanting washed over her like a tidal wave. She saw the years flash before her, all those nights she had cried herself to sleep after putting Deacon in rehab the third, fourth, fifth times, and wondering if he wouldn't survive it this time. All those years of trying to make a family with Teddy, trying to convince herself that she truly was in love with him. All those nights Deacon had played on stage next to her only feet away, a few feet that felt like 10,000 miles. And then Luke had come into her life almost too easily, like a breath of fresh air, no drama, no expectations. No secrets.

Hours later, she was still wide awake, sitting at the vanity in her bedroom, staring at those two rings, burning circles into her palms. Staring at her reflection in the mirror. Trying to figure out who this stranger was staring back at her.

_Please, please tell me what to do,_ she wanted to cry out. _Anybody. _How much it wearied your soul, trying to constantly do the right thing for everyone else, while the things your own heart desired got pushed into a dark corner. She had pushed what she wanted and needed aside for everyone else for so long that she had forgotten what it felt like to want something so bad that it nearly overtook you. Around two A.M she picked up her cellphone and called her sister. "Tandy? Can you come over."

"What?" Tandy said. "Is everything alright? The girls?"

"The girls are fine," she said. "It's me. I need…someone to talk to."

"Seriously…" Tandy sounded exasperated on the other end of the phone. "Right now?"

For a second Rayna was 12 years old all over again, just needing someone, wanting her mom, and Tandy like always was all she had to fill that void.

"Yes," she said firmly. "Is that….do I hear Bucky in the background?!"

"No," Tandy said quickly.

"I hope y'all aren't wearing pants then cuz they're _on fire_. Liar!"

"Okay, okay" Tandy grumbled on the other end of the phone. "Just give me a half hour. And I _wasn't_ wearing pants, just for your information. Thanks for interrupting!"

"This is important," Rayna said. "Seriously."

"I bet. See you in a few."

"Thanks. The front door is unlocked. Goodnight Bucky." she said wryly into the speakerphone.

She heard his sheepish reply in the background. "Goodnight, Ray."

She was still sitting there staring at those two rings when Tandy came trudging up the stairs and into her room a half hour later.

"This better be good," she demanded.

With a sigh, Rayna held up the ring from Luke.

"Yeah, saw that. I was there, remember? " Tandy said dryly. "By the way, I'm quite fond of Luke but you should tell him that asking you to be his "ball and chain" rates a 9.9 on the corniest proposal ever scale. Literally. He's on the list one step behind Kanye."

"Yeah," Rayna said, biting her lower lip. "Well how about telling someone you know how to love them and can be the man you need? How does that rate?" In the other hand, she held up the ring from Deacon.

"Oh my god…." Tandy dropped onto the edge of the bed. "Seriously? Is that what I think it is? I thought you gave it back to him months ago."

"I did," Rayna said with another troubled sigh. "He came here tonight. Oh god, it was just….Tandy, I didn't even know what to say. Shocked the hell out of me. Made me start thinking about all this stuff…

"Well damn, no wonder you called me over here. This is way more important than sex."

"Ya think?"

"So did he…I mean, he really asked you?" Tandy was sitting cross legged on the bed at full attention, all thoughts of getting home and back out of her pants forgotten. This was what sisters were born to do. Be there when you needed them. Even at 2 am.

Rayna sighed. "He did. And it wasn't a down on your knee, flashy kind of thing. It was…his own way. Deacon being Deacon." She smiled involuntarily at the thought. He never could manage to do anything like anyone else. She both loved and hated him for that. Sometimes it was exasperating. Sometimes it made her life harder. But he was just Deacon, and that about him she knew would never changed. He followed his own path.

"Uh oh," Tandy said, hands on her hips. "That look. On your face. Means we have a bigger problem than you think."

Rayna waved it away. "Oh, stop. I got enough to worry about without you trying to decipher my "looks."

"Rayna," her sister said in a no-nonsense voice. "I have _seen that look on your face before._ You're not telling me the entire story."

"Well…" she hedged. "He did kiss me."

"And?"

"And I …may have kissed him back," she conceded. "A little." Just a little? Well now _her_ pants should have been on fire. She had no doubt that if Deacon wouldn't have been the one to pull away, they probably would have ended up in the bed behind her. She'd felt it, whether she wanted to or not. That desperate pull between them, the one that never quite went away, not for 26 long years.

Not since the first time she'd ever met him, when she'd been a girl with a song and he'd been a boy with a guitar and they'd had their whole lives ahead of them, naïve enough to think it was going to be easy as long as they were together.

"Aha. I told you I've seen that look before."

Rayna rolled her eyes. She chewed her lower lip and stared down again at the two rings in her hands. "What do I do? Seriously? I mean…the idea of breaking either of their hearts is awful. This is all just…I didn't expect any of this, you know? I thought things with Deacon were done. I thought we both moved on, and…this is crazy, right? To even _think_ about saying yes to him?"

"I want to be honest with you," Tandy said. "But you need to be honest with yourself. Do you really think you've moved on? Or did you just put him in that little invisible box and push it aside because it was easier and safer?"

She thought she had. But standing in that kitchen with him looking down at her with such hope in his eyes, god it was killing her. She wanted to believe him so badly, all those things that he'd said. That the dark days were really behind him. There was no more secrets, no more lies. There was truly nothing else standing in the way of them being together and having the life with him she'd once dreamed about. He _had_ changed. She knew that much was true, and she knew he had meant every word. It terrified her.

If she gave him that ring back a second time, she knew she'd never see it again. For all she knew he'd probably drop it in the Cumberland and watch it sink to the bottom. This was it. This was the now or never chance. And if she chose never….they were still going to have to be Maddie's parents.

And if she chose now….that meant she'd have to break Luke's heart. Luke would be any woman's dream man. God, he was so good to her, successful, smart, and handsome.

She'd be a fool to turn him down.

"Well, this is ridiculous," she said grumpily. "I can't be with both of them. Maybe I'll just tell em both no."

"I think the thing to consider…." Tandy said slowly. "Is that if you still feel anything for Deacon. Because that….battle between the two of you has been going on for a long time."

"Well of course I feel something. I mean we're friends. We're in a good place now. We're parents, and co…writers, and all this other stuff…we're always going to be in each other's lives. I know that." She buried her face in her hands. "Ugh, I don't know _what _we are. I thought I did and he just…completely threw me."

"Well honey, you cannot marry Luke if you feel anything for Deacon. Because you'll be back to exactly where you were with Teddy, putting Luke right into Teddy's spot, and that's not fair for him either. It's all or nothing with the two of you, you know that. I've told you that before. There's no middle ground."

"I know," she whispered. "But I _need _there to be."

There had never been exactly the right label for what her and Deacon were. "Entangled" was her favorite word to describe it. He'd been a part of her life for 26 years. She'd figured it out once. 62% of her life had somehow been entangled with Deacon's. All the best and worst parts of their lives twisted together like branches on a tree.

"I don't know why anything can't just be easy." She muttered.

"If it was easy, it probably wouldn't be worth it. I'm gonna go," Tandy said, patting her on the shoulder. "And you need to get some sleep."

Oh, like _that_ was gonna happen.

"Don't rush into anything. IT's not like either of them are going anywhere, you should take some time and figure out what YOU want first. You always put everyone else first, sweetie. Stop worrying about them and worry about what makes you happy."

"The great and wise Mouth of the South speaks again," Rayna said dryly.

"Get some sleep," her sister said firmly. "And I'll forget you called me that when I talk to you tomorrow."

"Thanks for coming over so late." With a sigh, Rayna she leaned her head back against the chaise lounge and closed her eyes. And she dreamed…

**1992 Oklahoma State Fair**

_The show was supposed to start in 30 minutes, and Deacon was nowhere in sight. _

_ Rayna was madder than a riled up hornet. _

_"Where the hell is he?" She demanded to Bucky, stomping around backstage in her boots. People were chasing her down trying to put on her mics, touch up her makeup, but she waved them all away. "This is goddamn George Straight, Bucky. He promised me this would never happen again. I swear to god, I am going to kill him. With his own guitar." _

_ "I don't know," Bucky said, "but what do you wanna do?" _

_ She bit her lip, watching as the guy playing his set before her came off the stage. _

_ Luke Wheeler. She'd met him a few times. He'd asked her out more than a few times and she kept saying no. He just kept asking. Persistent, she had to give him that much. He was a little too stereotypical cowboy for her. A little too smooth with the ladies, and a lot of them at that. _

_ She bit her lip. And snagged his arm as he came off the stage and walked by her. "Hey there, stranger." _

_ His face slid into an easy smile under his cowboy hat. "Well Ms. Rayna Jaymes. How you doing?" _

_"I've been better," she admitted. "I seem to be short one lead guitar player. Any chance you'd want to sit in?" _

_ Luke's eyes darkened. "Where's Deacon?" Sure, him and Deacon Claybourne were buddies. He wouldn't call it friends. You could have a beer with your buddy and still not consider him a friend. They'd both been playing around town long enough, and he'd heard the rumors about how Deacon was dragging himself downhill and on the verge of taking Rayna with him. _

_ "That," Rayna sighed. "Is the question of the night. So will you do it?" _

_ "Can't say no to you, now can I?" _

_ She sighed in relief. "Thanks, Luke. I owe you one." _

_ "We'll worry about that later," he said with a wink, holding his hand out. Someone handed him a beer and he took a long swig. "Gimme 15 minutes with your band and I'm good to go." _

_ That was the first night Luke took Deacon's place. It wouldn't be the last. _

_ It wasn't her best show, she was distracted, angry at Deacon, kindof half-hearted into her songs, but she muddled through the set. _

_ "You wanna talk a walk?" Luke asked her when they were done packing up. _

_ She wanted to go back to her bus, crawl into the little back bedroom, and cry. But really, what good would that do. _

_ She swallowed. "Sure. Let's take a walk." It been hours and still no word from Deacon. _

_ Later on, as George Strait did the last number on his set, the two of them found themselves stuck on top of the ferris wheel, high above the fairgrounds, watching the world buzz under them. The stars seemed so close, she felt like she could reach out and touch any of them. _

_ He liked her. She knew he did. Women never said no to him. But she didn't have the heart to tell her that even after the crappy night she'd just had, her heart was in a different place. _

_ They were on top of the world. Literally. Listening to George play "Cross my Heart", and all the poor guy could do was sit there and listen as she went on and on about Deacon, about how worried she was about him, about how he could be so talente_d _and go so far if he could just quit drinking. _

_And Luke knew, listening to her ramble on and on about this guy who had let her down, that he didn't stand a chance. _

_ "He's not gonna change, you know," Luke said quietly. "Why do you put up with it?" _

_ "Why?" Rayna looked at him blankly. "What do you mean, why?" _

_ "He lets you down over and over again, Rayna. Why do you keep allowing it?" _

_ "Because I love him." She said. "Why else? Isn't that enough?" _

_ "Do you think that's enough to fix him?" _

_"I don't know," she said, suddenly feeling embarrassed and a little pissed off. What was it Luke's business anyway? He hardly knew her. He could have any woman he wanted. She was about to go tell him to find_ _another one. _

_ Thank god, the wheel started moving again, and they didn't say another word until they were both safely back on the ground. _

_ "Thanks for sitting in," she said to him. "Really. I appreciate it." _

_ "No problem," he tipped his hat, and then kissed her on the cheek. "Good luck, Rayna. I hope some day you get that answer." _

_ He disappeared into the crowd, women immediately flocking to his sides. _

_ She stood there, wondering if he was right. If it would ever be enough. _

_ It would be years before she saw Luke again in more than casual passing. And she had never really got that answer. She was still wondering if it would ever be enough. _

"Good morning, beautiful."

She woke from the dream, startled. Deacon's ring was still closed in her hand, Luke's on her finger.

_Damn, I was kinda hoping all _that _was a dream. _

No such luck.

Luke was kneeling next to her chair on the floor.

"Well, look at you, down on your knee again," she teased.

He grinned. "Think I promised you some pancakes," he said. "You hungry?"

She glanced at the clock on the wall. 8 am. "Teddy should be bringing the girls home shortly."

"I better get to work then, meet ya downstairs." He dropped a kiss on her cheek and sauntered out of the room.

Las soon as she saw him go, she went to the bureau and slipped that silver ring back into the little blue box where she had kept it for the greater part of the last 15 years.

The girls arrived as Luke was flipping the first batch of pancakes.

"Arrived" was a nice way of putting it.

Maddie stormed through the kitchen like the devil was on her heels with a pitchfork.

"Well good morning y'all." Rayna said cheerfully.

Maddie just gave both of them a death glare and kept right on moving towards the stairs. They heard the door slam a few minutes later.

Daphne came in followed by Teddy a few minutes later.

Daphne looked real quiet and sober. "Hi, Mommy," she said. "I'm going to go upstairs and put my stuff away," she trudged out of the room slowly.

Rayna gave Teddy a look with raised eyebrows. "What did you do to my sweet girls?"

Teddy glanced at Luke. "Can we talk in private?"

Luke looked annoyed as they went into the office and Rayna closed the door behind them.

"What's all this about?"

Teddy raised his eyebrows and looked pointedly at the ring on her finger. "I think you know."

"Listen, Teddy," she said exasperatedly throwing up her hands. "We've been through this before, we're divorced so you can't-"

"This isn't about me," he cut her off. "You may have noticed the girls are really upset about what happened last night at the concert."

Rayna sighed. "Well, it was unexpected. But they'll be fine. They love Luke. I'll talk to them about it."

"Honestly, I'm a little surprised too, Rayna, that you would say yes about something like that without consulting them. I thought after the way I screwed things up with Peggy, you would consider that. Maddie cried half the night."

Rayna didn't really know what to say. "Well, I didn't _know_ it was going to happen, Teddy," she defended herself. "I'm still kind of in shock myself."

"But he did. And he didn't consider them either. Think about that." Teddy turned and stalked out, leaving her standing there wondering what the hell had just happened and how the happiest occasion ever was slowly turning into nothing but one giant disaster.

The pancake breakfast was a stilted affair.

Rayna made Maddie come out of her room, and Maddie sat slumped at the table picking at her food. Even Daphne was unusually quiet.

"Well," Rayna said with false cheerfulness. "Did y'all have a good week at Daddy's?"

Daphne nodded her head.

Maddie said nothing.

"You like the concert last night? What did you think? Pretty awesome, huh?"

No response from the peanut gallery.

Luke raised his eyebrows. "Talkative bunch today, ain't they?"

"Well Luke's kids are in town," Rayna said. "So I was thinking it would be nice to do something with all of us together today. How about going out to the ranch and riding some of his horses?"

Daphne looked like she was considering it. "That might be fun," she said slowly.

"I hate horses," Maddie muttered, pushing her pancakes around her plate.

Rayna said, with a gentle warning tone in her voice, "There's no need to be rude, Maddie."

"Aw, just let her be," Luke said with a laugh, "kids these days. Think they're entitled to do whatever they want, huh?"

Maddie stopped pushing her pancakes around and gave him the iciest glare Rayna was pretty sure she'd ever seen. _My god, what has gotten into my sweet girl?_

"Mother," she said. "Can I please be excused."

Rayna was stunned at the hostility.

"Well….no, "she said. "Because you're being rude. To all of us. Especially Luke."

And he was kind of like….staring back at her. Like a challenge or something.

Saying _I don't care if you like it or not, kid. This is how it's gonna be. _

Rayna was surprised to see that, and not at all sure she liked it.

Sure enough, without further warning, Maddie's icy look melted away, and she burst into tears.

She got up and ran from the table.

Rayna stared after her in shock, and turned to Daphne. "Would you happen to know anything about what that was about?"

"Well," Daphne said in a quiet voice, earnestly looking at her mom. "If someone told you that _you_ were about to have three dads, how would _you _feel?"

She was stunned speechless. Staring after her teenage daughter, staring at Daphne's face, which didn't really look too happy either.

She glanced at Luke across the table, who just looked….seriously annoyed.

And she wondered again if any of this was the right thing.

Rayna knocked on the doorway to Maddie' room. She was hitting those guitar strings so hard and loud that she wouldn't have been surprised if the girl's fingers were bleeding.

Just like someone else she knew, Rayna thought with an involuntary smile. Two someones. Letting out her frustrations through her music. Maddie was more like both of her parents than any teenager would probably want to admit.

"Can we talk?" She asked.

Maddie stopped playing abruptly.

"I don't really want to talk."

Gently Rayna took the guitar out of her hands and set it aside on the bed "Well I do. That whole scene in the kitchen down there wasn't very nice."

Maddie didn't say a word. She couldn't, because anything she knew came out of her mouth right now would be construed as "not very nice" by her mother.

"I know this was all a surprise, but…." Rayna tried to find the right words. "It's a good thing, Maddie. Try to see it as a good thing. Luke is good to you girls, and we'll be a family, and-."

"And what?" Maddie said bitterly. "And we all live happily ever after? Didn't you already marry the wrong man once to try and give me a family?"

"Madeline Grace!" Rayna said, appalled. "I don't know what has gotten into you, but-."

Maddie jumped off the bed. She went to her desk and started stacking books and papers.

"We already have a family, mom, "she said. "You and Daphne and Dad and Deacon…we're a family. Even if it is a weird one. Adding a third dad to the mix really isn't necessary."

Deacon's words from the night before came rushing back at her. _You and me Ray, that's how it's supposed to be. Maddie and Daphne….and you and me. _

Rayna sighed. God, this was hard. Teenagers should come with an instruction manual, she decided.

"I want to go stay with Deacon," Maddie said, now moving on to stuffing clothes into an oversized bag. "I already called him last night, he said it was okay if you did."

Oh god, the last thing she wanted right now was to have to face him.

"Um…okay. I suppose I could …drive you over there."

"Don't even bother." Maddie said. "I'm sure he doesn't want to have to see you either, you know, with that stupid ring on your finger. I called a cab."

Okay, that was it.

Rayna stood up, hands on her hips, and switched to angry mama bear mode.

"That's enough," she said firmly. "Yes, you may go stay with Deacon. Because you _asked_ so _nicely." _Not."As long as you cut the attitude out right now, and apologize to both me and Luke beforeyou go."

Maddie grabbed the guitar that her mother had laid across the bed and snapped it into its case.

Her movements were slower now, not angry, just sad.

"Fine," she said quietly. "I'm sorry, Mom. I really am. I just….want to stay with Deacon for a little while, okay? I feel like he needs me."

She brushed past Rayna and left the room. No sugar for her mama. Not even a goodbye.

"Hey, I gave you life, you know," Rayna called after her, trying to lighten the mood. "A hug would be nice."

Ugh, teenagers. With a sigh, she got off Maddie's bed. She started wandering around the room, looking at all the things. Remembering what it was like when Maddie been very small and this room had first held a crib, then later a miniature princess bed, shelves of babydolls and puzzles. Now it was so different, everything white lace and roses. Makeup and perfume on the vanity. Pictures of her friends tacked to every surface. High heels in the corner.

Her little girl was growing up.

She'd never gotten to be this age with her own mother. It pained her, all the time, wondering what it would be like to have Virginia there to turn to in guidance in situations like this.

_What do I do, Mom? What do I do with her? With him? Both of them? _

She walked over to the bureau. Next to a white fuzzy bunny, there was a framed picture of Maddie and Daphne at a recent concert. Deacon had his arm slung over both of their shoulders.

They had the biggest smiles she'd ever seen. They were happy. It was a stark comparison to the two unhappy girls sitting at the breakfast table this morning.

It tugged at her heart. And made her doubt once again if she had made the right choice by letting Luke put that ring on her finger.

With a sigh, she put down the picture and headed downstairs.

Daphne had finished her breakfast and disappeared.

And Luke was still sitting at the empty table. Just staring at his plate. Looking…well, Rayna actually thought he looked…not even pissed. Completely rattled.

"Hey," she said with false cheerfulness.

"Oh hey," he said, standing up as she brought him out of whatever he'd been thinking about.

"Maddie was supposed to apologize when she blew through here like a tornado," she said. "Did she?"

"Uh…yeah," he said. "She sure did."

Some apology, he thought as he relived in his head Maddie storming into the kitchen a few minutes earlier.

"_You know, being rude to your mama is pretty uncalled for." _

_ Maddie gave him a fierce glare as he stepped in front of her as she headed for the front door. "She wants me to apologize to you." _

_ "Well, I really think you should. I know this is going to be a change for you girls, but you'll get used to the idea of having to share your mom." _

_ "You think that's what this is about?" Maddie said. "Sharing her?" _

_ "Isn't it?" _

_ "Do you like sharing her with Deacon? Cuz Teddy, you know my other dad, he didn't." _

_ Luke's eyes narrowed. "Listen, you might not be my kid but there's this thing called respect that I think you need to learn in a hurry. Your mother raised you to have better manners than that. And adult relationships are none of your damn business." _

_ Maddie knew she had hit a nerve with that last comment, and she knew she was way beyond over the line. But she was so mad at all of them, she didn't really care. They could ground her for the next two years if they wanted. Her life was already ruined anyway. _

_ She laughed, her voice dripping with all the teenage sarcasm she could muster. "I already have two dads. I don't need a third one so stop trying. You want an apology? Fine. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you can't see that my mom is just using you as an excuse because she's afraid. I'm sorry that you have this disillusioned idea in your mind that we're all going to be one big happy family and Deacon is just going to go away, because we're _not_ and he _isn't_. Sorry for the reality check." And she stepped around him, walked out the front door, and slammed it hard. _

Now, Rayna was standing in front of him looking distressed. "I'm really sorry she acted like that. I don't know what's gotten into her lately."

"No worries," he said, pulling Rayna into his arms for a hug. "It's all good. She'll get over it."

He tried to act like it was all good, but the kid's words kept playing over and over in his mind.

_Do you like sharing her? He's never going away. _

The part that pissed him off was the most that he knew even said out of anger…

That every word Maddie had said was harshly, undeniably right.

Rayna pulled back and tipped her head to look up at him. "Something's wrong."

"No, I'm good," he said with an easy smile. "I got some stuff I gotta go take care of today. Meet up with ya later for dinner?"

"Sounds good," she agreed, still looking unsure. "Are you sure nothing's wrong?"

"Nope. See ya later then." And he walked out.

She just stared after him, mystified.

_What the hell was that?_

Deacon opened the door, and Maddie was standing there with her guitar case and a backpack slung over her shoulder. He'd been expecting her. Rayna had texted him a half hour ago saying she was on her way over. What he hadn't expected what the tearstains on her cheeks.

It just about broke what was left of his heart after last night's escapades.

Maddie swallowed back a sob. "Hi Dad," she said. "Is it okay if I stay here with you? For awhile?"

He just lifted his arms and she flew into them for the biggest hug.

He felt a little like shedding some tears himself.

It took awhile for Maddie to calm down, and he just waited patiently as she sat on the sofa and fidgeted with a magazine, flipping the pages, not really reading.

"So…he said cautiously. "You wanna talk about it?"

It. They both knew what "it" was.

"I hate him," Maddie said flatly. "I hate both of them."

Deacon sighed. "You don't hate them."

"Yeah," she said pointedly. "I do. Who proposes to someone without even asking their kids first. Isn't two dads enough? Three is bordering on ridiculous."

He couldn't argue with that.

"Listen," he said quietly. "You love your mom, so don't say you hate her. Those are fighting words, and you know she would do anything for you. She has. She gave up more to be your mother than you will ever understand until some day when you have kids of your own."

Maddie's eyes darkened for a minute. "well, I don't hate her," she conceded. "But I hate that she's marrying him."

_Me too, kid,_ he wanted to say. _I did my best_. He wanted to believe that little sliver of hope was still there. That the look on Rayna's face, in her eyes, had meant something. That the fact that she'd leaned into that kiss, into his arms, had to mean something. He'd convinced himself the entire drive home last night that he'd done the right thing by going over there and laying it all on the line.

But then he'd woken up this morning and realized he'd basically asked her to take off a 250,000 diamond for a 20 year old eternity band and a guy who scheduled his life around AA meetings.

She'd be crazy to say no to Luke Wheeler.

_ "_Can't you…do something?" Maddie said now, sitting in front of him frustrated and sad. And there was not much he could do about it except try to make her feel better. "I mean…tell her not to or something?"

"Maddie…." Deacon said slowly. "What I want more than anything for your mom is to see her happy. You want that too, right?"

Her lower lip trembled.

"If she really….loves Luke, and Luke makes her happy…I think both of us just gotta try real hard to be happy for her, okay?"

She nodded slowly. "Okay. I can try. But if this is the way it's going to be….I want to start staying here with you more. Would that be okay?"

"I would love that," Deacon said, a huge smile crossing his face. It had been a shaky road, leading up to stuff like this, and he'd tried to be real careful letting Maddie steer their relationship, letting her decide how much time she wanted to spend with him and not push it. Hearing her say those words was amazing. "You really wanna hang around with an old guy like me?"

Maddie just laughed, and so did he.

"I'll talk it over with your mom and see what she says," he conceded. "Now let's stop being all sad and stuff and go do something fun. I got a rehearsal at 4 but other than that, we got the whole day."

So Maddie forced away the sad feelings for a little while, just because she knew it would make her dad feel better to see her smiling.

She seemed a little better after that, he thought, but still pretty quiet all day. Thinking, he knew she was still thinking about all of it.

Deacon was too. It was hard not to. It was on the front of the newspaper when they passed the stand on the corner. It was even on the damn radio. Ugh. Luke Wheeler and Rayna Jaymes were literally everywhere.

Later as him and Maddie were sitting across each other at the pizza place working on a giant pepperoni pie, he asked her "a penny for your thoughts?"

She shrugged. "Just…um.. you know, thinking about what you said this morning."

"Which part?"

"You know what you said about wanting her to be happy…." Her voice trailed off.

"Yeah," Deacon said quietly. "I meant it."

"Because that's what you want for people you love, right?" she said carefully. "You want them to be happy."

He could see exactly the direction this conversation was headed.

His kid was way too grown up for her age.

"Yeah," he said, avoiding her eyes as he gathered up the box with the leftover pizza. "Ready to go?"

Maddie couldn't get that thought out of her head. _Because that's what you want for people you_ _love._ Because he DID love her mom, enough to let her marry another guy again if it would make her happy. That was just about the saddest and nicest thing she'd ever seen a person do in all her 15 years. She was pretty sure she had the most amazing dad in the entire world.

It also meant she was gonna have to find a way to bust up this Wheeler/Jaymes wedding idea.

Even if she got grounded for the rest of her life doing it.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey, Mom, I'm home." Maddie breezed into the house and dropped her bags and her guitar case at the bottom of the steps. She was still mad about the engagement and the way things had happened. And she was _furious_ at Luke. It had been really cool spending the whole week with her dad. But she couldn't deny she'd missed her mom and Daphne like crazy

Rayna came out of the kitchen into the front hallway.

"I'm so glad you're home, sweetie." Rayna said, giving her a hug. "I've missed you. How was your week with Deacon?"

It had been hard, agreeing to this newfound arrangement. It was hard enough sharing her with Teddy and now all of them were splitting time with her three ways. She was growing up so fast….

But it was fair, Rayna kept telling herself. Maddie was old enough to make those kind of decisions, and she deserved to have as much of a relationship with Deacon as she wanted. And he deserved to have that with her. She swore to herself that no matter what happened between the two of them, she wouldn't let it get in the way of that.

"It was great," Maddie said, forcing a huge smile and acting like everything was fine. She'd learned from the best, how to put on a stage face. "Couldn't be better. We went shopping and got some stuff for when school starts. And Dad let me pick out furniture for my room, we even painted."

"Well, that sounds real nice."

"Yep."

"So….how is he?" Rayna asked carefully as she went back to the contracts she'd been reading on her laptop. She asked, but kept her eyes on her computer.

Maddie went to the fruit bowl and took out an apple. She crunched it loudly. "Oh, he's fine," she said cheerfully. "I had to help him tie his tie last night. It was kind of funny."

Rayna looked up at her, surprised. "Deacon, wearing a tie?" she said wryly. "What happened, did someone die?" She took a drink from the iced glass of tea next to her.

"Nope," Maddie said. "He had a date." Meeting with the woman who was in charge of some PR thing at his record label probably didn't count as a date, but it was dinner, and Maddie was pretty sure that could be classified as a "date" of some sort. Enough to call it that to her mom, at least.

Rayna choked on her iced tea.

"Mom, are you okay?" Maddie asked, concerned, patting her on the back.

"I'm fine," she said as she gained her composure.

Maddie took once more satisfied crunch from her apple, and walked out of the room. She waited until her mom couldn't see until she smiled and congratulated herself. Phase one underway.

Rayna sat there staring at her computer screen, but the numbers she was reading just wouldn't register in her head. All she could think about was Maddie's words. A date? He was dating now? Two weeks ago he'd been standing in this very kitchen putting a damn ring in her hand and kissing her senseless, and now he was _dating _someone?

Without a second thought, she picked up her phone off the counter and called Tandy.

"Did you know Deacon is dating someone?"

"Well hello to you too," Tandy said wryly.

"Why would he do that? I mean really, _who does that_? Propose to some and then just….run off and jump into bed with someone else?" Rayna said incredulously. "This is like a really bad daytime soap opera."

Tandy sounded like she was trying real hard not to laugh. "Who gave you all this info?"

"Well….Maddie," she admitted.

"Maddie told you he jumped into bed with some girl?!"

"No. Maddie told me he went on a date."

"One date does not translate to jumping into bed with someone." Tandy _was_ laughing now. Laughing her butt off on the other end of the phone line.

"This is _not _funny," Rayna muttered. "Have you _met_ Deacon lately? Women swarm him like flies on a dead body. Of course one date translates into…." Ugh she couldn't even say it.

And why the hell was she acting like a jealous girlfriend anyway. She was engaged to another man.

She stared down at the ring on her finger. Suddenly it felt like it weighed 100 pounds.

"Honey…." Her sister's voice came at her. "You told him no, right? I'm pretty sure he has the right."

"I didn't tell him anything!" Rayna said, frustrated.

"But you're still wearing Luke's ring."

"Yeah, well…."

"Well that's just as good as telling him no. Sweetie, you can't keep doing this."

"Doing what?"

"This whole "I don't want him but no one else can have him either" thing."

"I am not doing that!"

"Yes," Tandy said quietly. "You are."

"Hey there," Maddie wandered into her sister's room. Daphne was laying across the bed reading a book. "I missed you. Must have been nice having Mom to yourself all week."

Daphne refused to look at her. She just kept looking down at the book in her hands. "I got stuck here with Jenny a lot. Mom had to do a bunch of stupid press stuff with Luke and then he took her out for dinner and to a bunch of parties. Nobody wants a kid tagging along on their dates."

Maddie frowned. "Sorry you got left behind."

"I don't really want to talk about it." Daphne said, rolling away from her. "So can you just leave me alone now?"

"What's bothering you?"

"You don't really care anyway," Daphne muttered. "All you care about is yourself."

"Daphne," Maddie said, dismayed. "You know that's not true."

"If you were a really good sister," Daphne said without hesitation. "You wouldn't leave me." "Daphne…." Maddie said quietly. "I know it's hard to understand, but Deacon really needs me right now. He looks so sad all the time…."

"Maddie," she said. "_I _need you."

Maddie looked guilty. "I'm really, really sorry," she said softly. "But I'm here now."

Daphne looked deep in thought.

"Is he really sad?" she asked carefully. "Deacon?" She liked Deacon a lot. He was always nice to her, even though he was Maddie's dad and not hers. He sang and played with them, gave her guitar lessons even. And lots of times when he picked up Maddie, if she asked he would let her come along. She hadn't asked in awhile, though. It seemed like her mom didn't want her to anymore. She wanted them all to spend time with Luke.

"Yeah. I think he is. His songs were happy for a really long time, and now they're all coming out sad again."

"Do you think he's going to….you know…be a drunk again?" Daphne asked worriedly.

"No," Maddie said without hesitation. "I don't think that. He's not the same guy he used to be. I've heard Mom say that lots of times. Daphne….do you really want mom to marry Luke?"

Daphne looked guilty. "I don't think so," she whispered. "But don't tell. I don't want her to be mad at me."

Maddie chewed her bottom lip. "We just want her to be happy, right?"

"Yeah. I like it when she smiles a lot and stuff like that. Like a_ real_ smile. Not the fakey one like when she is onstage."

"I think we should try and get mom and Deacon back together."

Daphne looked doubtful. "How are you gonna do that?"

"We gotta be a team," Maddie said confidently. "You and me. Wanna help me?"

Daphne shook her head. "I think you're gonna get us in big trouble with mom, Maddie."

"Come on," Maddie teased, bumping her elbow. She held out her hand. "Are you in?"

Daphne wavered. "I'm supposed to go to Dad's for the weekend tomorrow. Are you going to come with me?"

"Of course, silly."

Daphne smiled in relief and slapped her hand over her sisters. "Okay. I'm in. Let's do it."

Maddie smiled back at her little sister. "Operation Mom and Deacon underway."

Maddie and Daphne waited impatiently for Teddy to arrive to pick them up.

They were doing it rather impatiently because Luke was sitting in the living room four feet away watching a stupid football game on tv with his boots on the coffee table.

_Why can't he go watch football in his own house,_ Maddie thought, sending him the evil eye. _And that's my grandma's table. _

He barely paid notice to the two of them.

Her mom was upstairs taking a shower and getting ready for something. She'd already said goodbye and hugged them before she went up there.

Probably another big fancy label party, Maddie figured. There had been a lot of those lately.

She liked her mom an awful lot better when she was wearing yoga pants and a tshirt and they could just snuggle up on the couch and watch movies and not worry about anything else.

She missed that, Maddie realized with a pang of hurt. A lot. She missed how it was when for awhile it was just the three of them in this house, her and her mom and Daphne, looking out for each other, spending time together.

Her mom's phone buzzed on the counter.

Maddie went to retrieve it, and noticed a text message with Deacon's name on it in the inbox.

"Daphne," she said excitedly. "Deacon's playing at the Bluebird tonight. He says it's something real special. Maybe dad will take us."

She put down her mom's phone, and went to retrieve her own. Sure enough he'd sent her a similar message.

Daphne looked doubtful. "You can ask that one, Maddie. I'm sure Dad will say no."

A ringing of the doorbell meant Teddy had arrived.

The girls gathered up their stuff without a second glance at the guy on the couch.

"See ya," Luke muttered, annoyed. He waited a few minutes, and when he was sure they were gone, he walked over to the counter and picked up Rayna's phone to see what all the fuss was about.

"Dad, please," Maddie begged Teddy almost as soon as they were in the car. "It's a really cool performance. They're recording it for CMT and Deacon really wants us to be there. He says we can be his special guests. Can we please go?"

Teddy didn't look too happy about that idea at all.

Daphne joined in the begging. "Come on, Dad, please."

"This is supposed to be my night to do something special with you girls," he said. "We only have a few weekends left before school starts."

"It will be special if you take us," Maddie insisted. "Please dad. And we have all day long tomorrow to do whatever you want."

Daphne jumped in. "Yeah. We'll even go to that old store with you if you want, that you like. You know, the one with all the old junk?"

Teddy had to laugh. "You want to go to the _antique store_?"

"Yep, that's the one," Maddie said cheerfully. "We can spend all day there if you want. Just please _please _can we go to Deacon's show at the Bluebird tonight?"

"Fine," he said reluctantly. "We can go."

The girls both cheered.

_Oh this is going to be about as much fun as a visit to the dentist_, he thought.

But he plastered a smile on his face anyway. Anything to see his girls happy.

Maddie was twisting anxiously in her chair, trying to watch the front door and the back door as people streamed in the Bluebird.

"What's the matter?" Daphne whispered.

They got to sit in front, because they were Deacon's special guests. There were three chairs, and one was still empty.

Teddy was watching from somewhere in the back.

"Mom isn't here," Maddie said impatiently. "She's supposed to be here. "

Daphne looked worried. "Maybe something happened."

"I'm gonna go try and call her again," Maddie decided.

"You only have ten minutes. Hurry!"

Maddie walked out into the back hallway for a minute to make the call, and breathed a sigh of relief as her mom picked up the phone. "Mom, where are you? You have to hurry."

"What?" Rayna said, confused. "What are you talking about? I'm at a charity event with Luke, Maddie. What's going on?"

Maddie's heart started to pound really fast. "Mom you're supposed to be here. At the Bluebird. It's being taped for CMT. Deacon's show starts in ten minutes. Why aren't you here?"

"I didn't even know he had a show tonight, Maddie, are you sure?" Rayna said, perplexed. "And why do I have to be there? That doesn't make any sense."

"Mom!" she said impatiently. "He sent you like three messages. I saw them on your phone.

"Maddie, I'm sorry, if that's the case I didn't get them and it's too late now."

"Mom, you have to come. It's really important."

"Maddie, I can't. I-"

Rayna noticed Luke walking towards her then through the crowd of elegeantly dressed patrons. He was emceeing the event, dressed to the nines in a tux and shiny shoes, cowboy hat nowhere in sight. "Hey you ready to go in?"

Maddie sounded near tears on the phone.

She had never felt more torn.

"Sweetie, I gotta go." Rayna said quickly. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?" She pressed the disconnect button on the phone. Maddie's words gave her an odd feeling in her stomach. She quickly scrolled through her messages. There were none from Deacon. But Maddie had been too upset to be lying.

"Everything alright?" Luke asked.

"Yeah," she murmured, still staring down at her phone in confusion. "Everything's fine."

"You ready to go in?"

"Yep," she said, forcing a smile on her face and tossing the phone in her purse. "Let's go walk this damn red carpet and get it over with."

She put on her stage face, smiled and socialized and accepted congratulations time after time, and still she couldn't fight that nagging feeling after that conversation with Maddie that something was really wrong.

Later, when Luke went to get another round of drinks and she was alone in the ladies room, she pulled out her phone and scrolled through the settings. In a minute she had all the info she needed. Three msgs had been erased earlier that day. One was from Maddie. Three were from Deacon.

Right about that time she'd been in the shower and left her phone on the kitchen counter.

She looked across the room at Luke on the stage giving a big speech about being charitable and helping a good cause and couldn't help but wonder.

Her heart sunk. Really? She didn't want to believe he'd really be that petty. It had to be a mistake.

She read the messages from Deacon again.

_They're taping my show at the Bluebird tonight for a CMT special. Really like you and the girls to be there, I got something special I want to play. _

Later, when she hadn't answered him.

_It would mean a lot to me. _

One more.

_ Ray? _

She wondered what he had thought when she didn't answer.

A sinking feeling of dread landed in her stomach. She glanced at the clock on the wall.

She shot off a quick text message on her phone to Luke. _Had an emergency with the girls. TTYL_ And quickly walked out a side door.

It wasn't that far of a drive across town in the limo, but it felt like miles and miles.

She'd never been one to chance running in heels, but she was almost running as she went in through the back entrance of the Bluebird, the one the musicians used.

Her heart was pounding, glancing around.

And she realized it was too late. The lights were low, the stage dark, customers had cleared out. Bartenders and waitresses were milling around picking up stray bottles and glasses.

The show was over.

It didn't feel like the only thing that was over.

It wasn't til Luke played the Bridgestone a few nights later that she finally saw him.

Deacon had just finished his set, and Will was onstage doing his. Rayna was hanging around backstage waiting for Luke's round in the spotlight. Because it was all about appearances, she thought rather moodily. It had all turned into appearances lately. What would it look if Luke's fiancé wasn't there to go onstage when he played the hometown crowd?

The whole appearance for the press thing was getting old. She'd never been one to plaster her personal life all over the public eye, and Luke pretty much lived for that. He loved it, embraced it even. _Let em think what they want,_ he said. _It's fun seeing what they make up._

She would rather have been at home with her girls snuggled up on the sofa.

The girls were here with her tonight, but only because they'd wanted to hear Deacon play. Teddy was taking them home afterwards.

Rayna had asked them if they wanted to come up onstage with her and Luke for a few minutes and Maddie's exact words were "I'd rather die."

With a sigh, Rayna walked down the hallway towards the stage. As soon as Will came off, she'd have to start listening for Luke's last song, so they could go out there and sing "Ball and Chain".

And there he was. Walking down the hallway towards her with his head down. Deacon.

She knew she needed to say something. She wanted to say something. She just didn't know what. Maddie had been very clear the next day what she thought about her mom missing that performance, and no amount of excuses was going to work, even the one that her messages had mysteriously been erased. By who, she wasn't sure. She'd brought it up to Luke and he had tried to suggest that Daphne was playing with her phone and did it on accident.

_He wrote you a song, Mom. He wrote you this beautiful song, and everyone started to cry. And you weren't even there to hear it. Your chair was empty. They had to take it away so there wouldn't be an empty chair on the camera. _

She wondered now if she'd ever get to hear it. .

Deacon walked right by her, staring down at the cellphone in his hand like he hadn't even seen her. It killed him that it had come to this _again._

Rayna couldn't believe he just walked right by and turned the corner. _Damn him_, she thought. _He doesn't get to walk away._

"Hey," she said, two steps behind him all the way. She reached out to put a hand on his arm.

Deacon stopped, swallowed hard, staring down at that hand on his arm. She had to pick that hand. The one with that damn ring on it.

He just couldn't…almost couldn't even bear it.

He shook her hand off, and kept walking.

She on his boot heels again instantly. "Please, I really need to talk to you."

"So talk, Rayna." He said evenly, still stalking away. "I don't know what is really left to say though."

"I'm sorry I missed your show."

"Guess you had something more important to do, huh?"

Her face had been plastered next to Luke's all over the morning news every day for two weeks. Yeah, she'd had something better to do alright. Guess it was planning a wedding.

"Of course not…well, not exactly. I didn't get your messages about the show the other night. I'm sorry."

He looked like he didn't believe a damn word of it.

"Deacon, I'm serious."

"Guess they just disappeared, huh?"

She looked frustrated, like she was holding back.

"Okay, fine," he said. "You missed the show. You're sorry. I get it. Are we done here?"

Rayna looked visibly shaken. "I…I don't know. Are we?"

Deacon picked up her hand. The one with the ring the size of Texas still on it.

"Yeah," he said somberly "I think we are."

"What if I don't want to be done?"

He looked so sad and tired, and Rayna hated herself in that instant for all that she'd done to him. They were even, the two of them. It had been hell all those years she suffered through watching him fight his alcoholism. He'd hurt her, but she'd hurt him just as bad, keeping Maddie from him. Keeping him close but not being with him. He'd watched her marry Teddy and still he was there. They'd hurt each other in equal amounts, and they'd both suffered. She didn't know why they couldn't just let it go.

"Ray," he said quietly. "You're engaged to someone else. What do you want me to say? Congratulations?"

She got mad. "This is a lot to figure out, you know," she said angrily. "You think this is easy for me? I'm just trying to sort it all out."

He didn't know why that got to him, but it did. Because if she was just gonna say no, and she didn't feel anything, she wouldn't have anything to sort out, now would she?

Then again, he didn't know why he kept grasping onto every little sliver of hope she threw his way like things were going to change. They hadn't changed in 15 years. He'd lost her to Teddy, and now he was losing her again to Luke Wheeler.

He was getting pretty goddamn tired of losing her.

He took a step closer to her. "I got a pretty good idea how we could sort it out."

She could hardly breath, he was so close. She backed up a step, and found herself against the wall, and he took another step towards her. "Don't," she whispered. "Luke could come off that stage any second. I'm supposed to sing with him."

"Hell with him," Deacon murmured, right before he kissed her. He needed to know if he'd just imagined it that night, the way she'd kissed him back like she never wanted to stop. He took her face in his hands, and kissed her deeply, melting their mouths together in a dance that was so _them_, so familiar, that it made his heart hurt in his chest and his head spin. So good, and yet it still hurt so much.

She should have pulled away. Somewhere in the recesses of her brain she was not thinking with, Rayna knew she should have pulled away. Anyone could come around that corner and seen them standing there plastered together.

But everything else around her melted away the instant he touched her face, even the music playing on the stage. Like she was in a warm hazy bubble. She forgot everything except his tongue tasting hers.

She didn't _want_ to want him, she stood there for a full minute with her hands clenched at her sides while it went on and on, until her knees turned to butter, and his hands moved from her face to slide around her waist and pull her in even closer, until his body holding hers against that wall was literally the only thing holding her up.

"_Oh hell with all of it_, she hands went around his neck, her fingers tangling in the hair at the nape of his neck. So sweet, so good, she was melting away…

When they finally broke apart, he was staring down at her with hazy eyes.

"You tell me," he said fiercely, "That you didn't feel that, Ray. Because you did and we both know it."

She looked stunned, lost, trying to get her bearings. She couldn't even think about anything, it was all just…..blur. Nothing but blurred lines like it always had been with them. "I have to go," she whispered, and ducked away from him leaning over her.

He put a hand on her arm as she was walking away. Just for a second. "Just say you did, Ray. That's all I need to know," he almost pleaded with her.

She raised her eyes to his. "Yeah," she said quietly. "I did. Are you happy?" She walked away, down the hallway to find the bathroom and get her damn self together before her fiancé came off the stage and wondered why he'd just sang the last song himself.

Deacon watched her go, leaning with his arms braced against the wall, trying to get himself together. Visibly shaken.

_I need to get the hell out of here. _

Luke had come around the corner only in time to catch Rayna walking away from him looking upset. He'd been worried when she wasn't at the edge of the stage waiting to come on for Ball and Chain, gone looking for her as soon as the damn song was over.

"She okay?" he asked curtly.

"I wouldn't know." Deacon said levelly. "Ain't that your job to know?"

Luke just shook his head. "What the hell are you doing, Deacon?"

Something inside Deacon just suddenly didn't give a fuck. He was tired of all the secrets, the acting like none of it bothered him. He was tired of waiting, and tired of sharing.

He just shook his head in disgust and turned to walk away. "Great show," he said, void of emotion. "See ya."

Luke wasn't finished yet. He pushed him by the shoulder. "Listen, I know you're having fun playing the newfound Daddy, but that's all you get to be, you got that? Stop yanking her around and trying to make it into something it's not."

"Really?" Deacon said, unable to hide an amused smirk. Those words…._Tell me you didn't feel that. I did. _"Maybe you're the one trying to make it into something it's not._" _

_ "_Rayna and I got a good thing here, why can't you just let her be happy?"

They were neck and neck now, shoulder to shoulder. Rivals in more ways than one.

Deacon didn't like the direction this was headed. At all. There was a good chance he was about to say a lot of shit he was going to regret tomorrow morning.

"Why can't you?" he said. "You think she's happy you dragging her whole life through the press? Cuz I don't. I thought you knew her better than that."

Luke didn't look much impressed. "You know what your problem is, Deacon. You don't know how to let go. It's been 15 years. You keep following her around like a damn dog, hoping that she'll look your way. It ain't gonna happen."

Deacon just shook his head and smirked. "You can't buy her, you know. You never could. You couldn't 20 years ago and you can't now. Just remember who was there first. For all of it."

He was turning to walk away when Luke's fist hit him in the left eye and he hit the wall.

And Maddie chose that moment to come around the corner looking for her mom, right when Luke's fist connected to Deacon's face.

She cried out angrily. "What are you _doing!?"_

_Oh for the Christ sakes, _Luke thought. _I've done it now._

Pissed, he stalked past the kid without even looking at her, rubbing his hand. He needed a shot of the strongest thing he could find.

Maddie was quiet the whole way back to Deacon's house. She was supposed to go to Teddy's that night, but she was so hysterical that Teddy miraculously agreed to let her come home with him and Deacon promised to deliver her back to him the next morning.

His eye hurt like a bitch.

He didn't really know what to say to Maddie. Probably should dole out some fatherly advice about how fighting was wrong. Maybe about how all men were assholes and he didn't think she should date until she was at least 35.

Instead, he just drove.

They sat in the driveway in silence staring at the house.

"What were you fighting about?" Maddie asked finally.

He sighed and raked his hands through his hair. "You shouldn't worry about it. Its-."

"_Don't_ tell me its grown up stuff." Maddie said, her voice kind of edgy. "I'm fifteen, I'm not a baby."

Still, he hesitated.

"It was mom, right?" She said quietly. "You were fighting about Mom."

"I guess you could say that," he admitted.

"Well, how come you didn't hit him back?"

"Because that wouldn't have been the right thing to do."

Maddie seemed to think about this for awhile.

"You should put some ice on your eye," she said. Without another word she got out of the truck and went into the house.

She sat up for a long time, later than usual, scribbling her thoughts into her journal. Usually Deacon came and knocked on her bedroom door and liked to talk about stuff. Tonight, he didn't.

It was pretty late when she got up and went into the kitchen for a glass of water and a late night snack.

The tv in the other room was still on, and Deacon didn't hear her come into the room. She was going to say something, but then she realized what that awful quiet sound was.

He was crying. His favorite guitar was on the floor by his feet, and there was stray pieces of paper balled up and thrown everywhere like he did when he was writing songs. But he wasn't writing.

Maddie had never had such an awful feeling in the pit of her stomach. She turned and tiptoed back to her room. And cried her own self to sleep, so mad at her mom for not seeing how much Deacon loved her, and Luke for being such a stupid jerk, and mostly she cried for the family she wanted more than anything.

**Thanks for the reviews. I love reading them :)**


	3. Chapter 3

They were supposed to be practicing for the fall music review at school, but Maddie's mind was too far gone on other things to concentrate much. She stared at the music laid out on Daphne's bed in front of them, and sighed heavily.

"What's with you?" Daphne demanded. "You keep messing up on the chorus."

Maddie shook her head. "Nothing. I'll play it again." She picked up her guitar.

"I'm your sister. You're supposed to tell me stuff. Like Mom and aunt Tandy."

Maddie took a deep breath and let it all out in a huge sigh. "I saw Luke punch Deacon. The other night at the concert. It's kind of bothering me."

"Like with his hand?"

She nodded. "In the face."

Daphne looked appalled. "Why would he do that?"

"I don't know," Maddie bit her lip. "But I guess they were fighting over Mom again."

Daphne looked annoyed. "I'm never going to make boys fight over me like that. They're so stupid. "

Maddie laughed. "Some day you won't think that."

"Did you tell Mom?"

"No," Maddie admitted. "Do you think I should?"

"I dunno. She'll probably give us the big talk about how it's a "grown up conversation" and none of our business."

"You're probably right," Maddie admitted. "Maybe we need to show her instead."

#########################################################

The doorbell rang.

Rayna looked up from chopping salad veggies, surprised. Luke was supposed to show up any second, but he generally did not ring the bell. "Were we expecting anyone else?"

Maddie and Daphne were nearby, Maddie stirring pasta noodles on the stove and Daphne carefully buttering pieces of garlic bread. Maddie had been wearing a constant glum look on her face for days now, it was like pulling teeth just to get her to come out of her room and agree that they should make dinner together. Rayna couldn't figure out what had gotten into that girl, but she was ready for the teenage attitude to go away any time now.

"It's Deacon," Maddie said without hesitation, dropping her spoon on the counter and running to the door. "I left one of my books there and he's dropping it off." That book had been sitting on Deacon's kitchen counter for two weeks, but she wasn't going to tell her mom that. Someone parents were so dumb. You just had to poke them along a little.

"Uh….okay…" Rayna muttered, surprised, watching as the gloom that had been clouding her two kids for days lifted just like that- la ti da- like he was the Pied Piper or something. Deacon Claybourne, charmer of women young and old.

She kept chopping, telling herself she was _not _watching that doorway, and tried real hard to concentrate on what she was doing, hoping he would just give Maddie her book and be gone. Anything involving him, especially being around him, made it hard for her to think rationally lately.

That whole scene backstage at the concert the other night was burning a hole in her conscience.

Why had she said anything? God, why hadn't she just let him keep walking?

Maybe she was just too scared to admit to herself that one of these days he was going to keep walking, and not turn around and come back.

But sure enough, he came around the corner into the kitchen with Maddie chattering his ear off and Daphne jumping up and down clinging to his hand.

Panic enveloped her immediately, and she tried to push it away. She didn't know what to say to him yet. What to feel. What to….

"What the hell happened to your eye?" She blurted out without another thought.

His left eye was a pretty mess of purple and green bruises.

Deacon glanced at Maddie, surprised she hadn't mentioned it to Rayna. Maddie carefully avoided his eyes.

"Minor incident. Don't worry about it."

"Y'all think I was born yesterday?" She said wryly. "What happened? Or you gonna make me guess?"

If Luke showed up in 10 minutes with a matching black eye, there was going to be trouble. She was 'bout ready to knock both of their heads together. Fighting like teenagers. Ridiculous.

The awkward silence stretched on for a minute that seemed to last 10 years.

Maddie watched the two of them. Watching each other and not saying a word. Like some kind of weird silent "eyes only" conversation. _God,_ she thought. _They're pathetic. Do I have to do everything?_

"Maddie and I have a new song for the music review next week," Daphne said excitedly, busting up the silence. "Can we play it for you?"

"Uh…well…" Deacon shot Rayna a glance. "It's up to your mom, I guess."

"Hey, you should stay and eat with us," Maddie said cheerfully. "Dinner is almost ready, and Daph and me helped cook."

"Well…" he said slowly. "I guess that's up to your mom too."

"It's okay, right Mom?" Maddie persisted.

Rayna couldn't even find the words.

"Maybe you should let Deacon decide if he wants to stay," she said lamely. "He's probably got stuff to do. And Luke is going to be here any minute. Might be a little….strange…"

"Why would it be strange?" Daphne asked. "Deacon has eaten dinner here with us lots of times."

"Um…."

Deacon raised his eyebrows and met her gaze. "I always got time for my favorite girls," he said without hesitation.

The way he said it, she knew he meant to include her in that phrase, and the butterflies in her stomach started dancing. Unwillingly.

"Mom," Daphne said sweetly. "Your pasta is boiling over."

Startled, she turned back to the stove, muttering under her breath as she quickly turned down the burners and stirred the pot. "See y'all, this is why I never cook. This is what delivery service is _for_."

Maddie rolled her eyes and shot her dad an apologetic smile. "Some things never change."

"Go on and get your music, and I'll see you in a few minutes," he said, ruffling Daphne's hair. "I'm gonna talk to your mom for a minute."

Maddie and Daphne waited until they were out of view of the kitchen to slap each other high fives.

###############################################################

Deacon watched Rayna, clearly flustered, trying to prep veggies and not look at him.

"Stop that," he said. "You're gonna chop your finger off."

Her hands stopped moving, but she kept her eyes lowered.

"Do you want me to go?" he said with a sigh. "I was just trying to make Maddie happy. She's been pretty upset the last few weeks."

"Well," she said carefully. "Luke is gonna be here any minute. Is his face going to look as pretty as yours when he shows up?"

Now it was his turn to look away. "Don't know what you mean."

"You know," she said calmly, going back to chopping carrots with hard strokes. "You never were a very good liar."

"You know," he said. "You never were either. Do you want me to stay or not?"

"Do whatever you want, Deacon." She said, avoiding his eyes as she went around him to put plates and silverware out. "You always do anyway."

He didn't know why she was acting all mad at _him_. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

She put the stack of plates on the table with a thud, and braced her hands on her hips.

"How was your date the other night?"

He stared at her blankly. "What?"

She rolled her eyes, and went back into the kitchen.

He wanted to go after her, ask her what the hell she was talking about, but Luke chose that moment to walk in.

He stopped at a dead halt when he saw Deacon standing there.

Rayna came out of the kitchen at that moment too, and nearly dropped the salad bowl in her hands right on the floor.

And suddenly Deacon got real hungry.

"You know," he said with an easy smile on his face, turning back to Rayna "I believe I will take Maddie up on that offer after all."

And he walked out of the room to go find the girls.

#######################################################

"What the hell is he doing here?" Luke asked as soon as Deacon disappeared into the other room.

"Maddie wanted him to stay," Rayna said avoiding his eyes as she finished setting the table. "It's not like he's never eaten dinner here before, Luke. He's her dad. I don't…really think there's anything wrong with it, I guess." They were always going to be Maddie's parents. Together. She had to remember that. No matter how awkward things were or how much they hurt each other, they were still parents of the same child. Her life would always be tangled with Deacon's because of Maddie. Whether she liked it or not.

"Really," Luke drawled. "Why don't we just call up Teddy and have him come over too. Hell, I can even fly in my ex-wife. What's a few more."

Rayna put her hands on her hips and gave him a frown. "Now you're just being mean."

"No," he said. "I'm being realistic. There has to be some kind of line, Rayna. You have to MAKE a line. And not cross it. And there's no line. It's just one big blurry mess with you and him, isn't it?"

"Yeah," she said, getting more and more angry. "It kind of is. And I don't _know_ how to fix it, but I'm trying to figure it out. So why don't you just back off about it, and sit down and eat the damn spaghetti so we can get this over with."

Luke looked stunned as hell at her outburst. "Where in tarnation did that come from?"

She was a little surprised at herself as well, and quickly regained her composure. "Never mind. Let's just have a nice dinner, okay? It's just one dinner, Luke. "

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her. "You're right. Pretty soon we'll be having dinner together every night for the rest of our lives. I can behave."

"Promise? It's important to Maddie."

"Cross my heart," he said, laying another longer kiss on her lips.

Rayna gently pulled away from him. "Not right now, okay?"

"Babe, I just miss being alone with you. Everything's been so busy, lately." He murmured, nuzzling her neck.

"Gross," came Maddie's voice from the doorway. "Really. Do you have to do that right now?"

Rayna sighed, and once again, gently pushed him away. And realized really the reason Luke had been laying it on was because Deacon was standing in the doorway next to his daughter watching them.

His eyes called her something she didn't like one bit.

A liar.

_Im sorry, _she tried to say.

But he had already turned away.

##################################################

The night was pretty much already ruined by the time they sat down to eat, very very awkwardly placed around the table.

_My god_, Rayna thought, watching the disaster unfold before her eyes. _This is like a bad Monday night sitcom. Brother Husbands? My Two Fiances?_

Luke was giving Deacon the evil eye, Maddie was giving _Luke_ the evil eye while only conversing with her dad and sister, and Deacon was giving her the "eye" too. Only she was pretty sure it wasn't the evil one.

_Stop that_, she warned him silently with her eyes.

Ugh, she coulda sworn he was laughing at her. That mischevious glint in his eyes told her was damn sure enjoying all of this. She was tempted to give him another black eye to match the one he already had, sitting over there with that smirk on his face.

"So," Maddie said, finally willing to include her mom on the conversation. "When are we going driving, Mom? I think you guys should take me. I really need to start practicing."

Deacon practically choked on his water. "Uh…what? Driving?"

_Ha!_ Rayna thought. _She got you there, Deacon._ _Not so funny now. _

"Yep," Maddie said happily. "Didn't Mom tell you? I got my learner's permit this week."

"Better stay off the sidewalks," Daphne rolled her eyes.

Maddie bumped her under the table. "ha ha, silly."

"I can't have a kid that drives," Deacon muttered. "I'll have gray hair in a week."

"Oh believe me, I know how you feel," Rayna said wryly.

"Old?" Daphne supplied.

"Thank a lot, kid," Deacon goosed her in the ribs.

Luke sat at the end of the table, his frown growing bigger by every second he was left out of the conversation, Maddie noticed, satisfied. _Good. He's the one who doesn't belong here. _

"We could take ya day after tomorrow_," _Luke offered._ "_Out at the ranch. Lots of room for practice there, and nothing to run into."

"Oh, that's a great idea," Rayna agreed, relieved. She wasn't too keen on the idea of having a teenage driver either. If she had her way, Maddie would be off the streets until she was 25.

Maddie glared at him. "I meant you and Dad," she said, turning to her mom and Deacon.

Up until this point, she mostly only called him Dad when they were alone. It was still getting comfortable. This was the first time she'd ever done it in front of Luke. The look on both Deacon and Luke's faces said it hadn't gone unnoticed.

"That would be great," Deacon said with a huge smile. "How about it, Ray? Should we teach our girl the rules of the road? I'm free tomorrow afternoon, how about you."

"I have a meeting," She pulled out of thin air. "Maybe another day, Maddie."

"No you don't," Daphne said. "You told me you cleared all day for us tomorrow."

Rayna tried not to visibly wince. "And so I did," she said cheerfully. "I guess we're going driving then. Luke, you probably don't want to witness this anyway. It'll be painful."

"Mom, you're being banished to the backseat," Maddie said immediately.

"What?" Rayna protested.

"I agree." Deacon said.

Luke didn't look impressed. Not one bit.

_Well, really,_ Rayna thought, slightly annoyed. _They better learn to get along. He _is_ Maddie's dad._

Personally at that moment, Rayna was ready to drive herself. Over a big old cliff. With no men or rings in sight.

#########################################################

_This might be the worst idea in the world_, Rayna grumbled to herself as she drove Maddie across town to Deacon's house the next afternoon after dropping Daphne at Teddy's.

Maddie was beyond excited. She'd done a complete 180 degree turnaround from the moody teenager Rayna had been dealing with for weeks.

"So, I want to ask you something," Rayna said carefully.

Maddie groaned. "Mom, this isn't going to be one of these weird sex talks, is it? Because that would embarrass both of us to death. Just buy me a book or something."

"Oh god no," she murmured. "And you're right, it would."

She sighed. "I just want to ask you….what's been bothering you these last few weeks. Is it really me getting married to Luke? Or is it something else?"

Maddie hesitated. "Mom, I…"

"Maddie, you know you can tell me anything. It's just that you have been so…unhappy lately. I don't like seeing you unhappy. Today, you seem happy."

"Spending time with Dad makes me happy. He gets me, I think. Because I'm like him. He…understands."

It hurt her to think that her daughter felt that way. "You think I don't understand? Because I'm trying real hard to. Just be honest about things and don't push me away," she said softly. "I'm your mama and I love you."

"You really want me to be honest?"

"Yeah, honey. I do."

Maddie took a deep breath. "I don't want you to marry, Luke," she admitted. "I want you to be happy, but I don't want you to marry Luke. And neither does Daphne."

Rayna looked stunned. "Why? I mean, Luke has been nothing but good to you girls. And he's very good to me. I don't understand.

"I know you don't," Maddie said, looking like she might cry. "I'm sorry. But you wanted me to be honest, and I'm being honest."

Rayna pulled to a stop in front of Deacon's house, her mind lost in thought and her heart troubled. "Well, thank you for your….honesty. I will keep that in mind."

"There' something else you should keep in mind, Mom," Maddie said quietly. "There's someone else who has been nothing but good to us too. Who has always been there even when he didn't have to be, way before he knew one of us was his. Don't push him away either."

Maddie climbed out of the truck, and walked up the sidewalk where Deacon was waiting on the front porch.

Rayna watched as he gave her a huge hug.

Maddie's words hit her heart hard. _Don't push him away…. _

With a sigh she got out of the truck and walked up the sidewalk.

"I got a surprise for you," Deacon was saying. "Come on over to the garage over here."

Rayna trailed along behind them keeping her distance.

He opened the garage.

Maddie's eyes widened.

"You did not." Rayna said in disbelief.

"Yup. I did."

"_You bought her a car!?"_

Maddie squealed so loud Rayna was pretty sure you could hear it in Knoxville as she flung open the doors of the little two door silver car.

"It's not like it's brand new," Deacon said, defending himself. "She needs something to learn to drive, she can't be driving around your big tank or my truck."

Rayna pursed her lips together. "Maddie," she said evenly. "Can you go into the house please while I discuss this with your father."

"Do I get to keep it?" She asked hopefully.

"Yes," Deacon said.

"No," Rayna said.

Their eyes were locked in a complete stare-down.

_Aw, this is so cute,_ Maddie thought. _It's like they're already married. _

Rayna waited until Maddie disappeared inside the backyard, and turned back to Deacon.

"You can't just buy her stuff like that without consulting me," she exclaimed. "This is a huge thing. We should be making decisions like that together."

"Well," Deacon said, getting defensive. "Considering you gave birth to her without telling _me,_ I guess we're even."

She looked hurt. "That was low, even for you."

He rubbed his eyes. "You're right," he conceded. "I'm sorry I didn't consult you. She's my little girl, Ray. I just want to spoil her a bit. Is that so bad?"

Rayna pressed her lips together and walked around the car. "Is it…safe?"

He gave her a look. "Do you really think I'd buy her something that wasn't, Ray?"

"Well I don't know," Rayna said defensively. "Neither one of us have been too good at making good decisions lately."

Deacon raised his eyebrows. At least she was admitting it. "You know," he said with a smirk. "You're cute when you're mad at me."

She glared at him. "Stop."

"Stop what?"

"Looking at me like that."

"Like what?" He said, his smile getting even bigger.

"Like you want another black eye!"

But Maddie came back out of the house then, and interrupted their love-hate fest.

"Do I get to keep it?"

She looked at her mom expectantly, as did Deacon.

Rayna threw up her hands. "Fine. Keep the car. Nobody listens to me, anyway."

"Thanks, Mom." Maddie kissed her on the cheek. "Okay, whose ready to teach me to drive?"

#############################################################

They went to the biggest, emptiest church parking lot Deacon could find for Maddie's first driving lesson. After driving in circles for about 30 minutes, Maddie complained.

"This is boring. Can I drive back to your house?"

"No!" Rayna cut in from the backseat. She had definitely been banished to the backseat for a reason. They knew her too well.

"She's doing fine, might as well let her," Deacon said, pointing to the parking lot exit. "Turn out there."

"Oh Lord help me," Rayna muttered.

Maddie made a right turn a little too sharp and bumped the curb.

"Little close, there, keep that in mind. Depth perception," Deacon advised. "And Ray, you can stop praying back there. She's doin fine."

Maddie laughed out loud.

"Okay, you gotta change lanes. Put on your blinker."

Changing lanes, she cut a little close to the car behind her, and they honked rudely at being cut off.

"Blinker!" Rayna reminded.

"Mom," Maddie said exasperatedly. "You're making me nervous."

"You think you're nervous? I'm scared to death stomping on the imaginary pedals back here."

Deacon smirked. "See, Maddie, now you know why your mom has a driver."

Maddie rolled her eyes. "I know. Can we turn on the radio?"

"No distractions! Eyes on the road! Kids get killed all the time fiddling with the radio!"

Deacon could not stop laughing. "Ray, seriously. You need to relax."

"I cannot relax," she exclaimed. "My baby is behind the wheel of a death machine."

Now Maddie was laughing too.

_This is it,_ she thought. _This is how it's supposed to be all the time. _

Rayna sat back in the seat and crossed her arms, determined not to say another word.

Somewhere halfway home an old Garth Brooks song came on the radio. Deacon started singing softly, and after a few minutes Maddie joined in.

She couldn't help the smile that slid across her face listening to the two of them, and for a moment everything else on her mind melted away. Just a dad teaching his daughter to drive. She'd dreamed about these kind of moments for the two of them since the day Maddie was born and the tiny little thing had looked up at her with eyes so much like his. She'd feared that these moments would never happen.

She glanced down at the ring on her hand, like she did many times a day. Thinking about Maddie's words earlier, wondering once again if she was making the right decision.

They made it back to Deacon's house without incident.

"You did good," he said, hugging Maddie. "Let's go out again soon."

"For sure," she said happily. "Mom?"

"You did good," Rayna said begrudgingly. "I'll get used to the idea."

Maddie ran ahead to her mom's SUV, smiling all the way, already on her phone to tell all her friends about her car.

Deacon turned to Rayna, still standing there. "So…." He said, shrugging his shoulder. "That was fun, huh?"

"Yeah," she said laughing softly. "That was fun."

"Thanks for letting me do that with her. It means a lot."

"I know it does."

"Kinda weird, right? Us teaching our kid to drive. Never thought I'd see the day." He gave her that smile, the one she could never look away from.

_He has the best smile,_ she thought, as she had so many times before. When he was really happy. It just went right to his eyes, and lit up his whole face.

"Yeah," she said quietly, smiling pretty big herself. "Kinda felt right." She touched his arm, like they did often, like they had always done. "See ya, Deacon."

"See _you_, Ray. "

She walked back to her SUV where their daughter waited, twisting the gigantic ring on her finger.

For a moment, she almost took it off.

**Thanks for the reviews, I love reading them! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for all the great reviews! I think I'm supposed to say I don't own any of these characters, I just borrow them from nashvillewrites for awhile….:)**

Rayna had been quiet all night, and it didn't get much past Luke that he didn't have her full attention. It had been a busy day, with both of them doing radio spots, and then going their separate ways. She'd had an appearance at a local record store, he had rehearsals for the show coming up tomorrow night in Boston, and everywhere they went even separately the paparazzi relentlessly hounded both of them about future wedding plans.

Frankly, Rayna thought that if one more person asked her when she was getting married, she might paste a smile on her face and nicely tell 'em where to stuff it.

Now that they were finally alone, they sat on the massive backyard deck at Luke's house, looking out over the ranch watching the horses graze, him with a beer in his hand, and her with a glass of wine in hers. The sun was getting lower on the horizon, it should have been the perfect end to the day.

But she was silent, just staring lost in her thoughts. And there were too many thoughts on her mind to hardly even know where to begin.

"Is something eatin' at you?" Luke said. "Or do you look like your hair's on too tight for another reason?"

"No, I'm fine, just tired," she sighed, running a hand through her hair. "It was a long day."

"Alright if that's all," Luke shrugged, and changed the subject to the new backup singers he didn't think he liked much, and the new bass player he did.

Rayna found herself annoyed by this as she listened to him ramble on. Did he care? It seemed odd to ask if something was bothering her, which it obviously was, just to turn the subject back on his self.

A naggling thought entered the back of her mind, and she couldn't shake it off. Deacon would have never let it go. He would have probably badgered her for 10 minutes, and got her to spit it out anyway. Because he knew her that way. He knew when things bothered her and she wasn't saying. He knew her thoughts sometimes before she said them outloud.

She didn't like herself much for how often she was comparing the two lately. It wasn't right, and it wasn't fair. But it wasn't avoidable either. The driving lesson with Maddie yesterday had brought up all her doubts and insecurities all over again. Watching their two heads in the front seat, how happy they were just to be spending a little quality time together. A dad and his best girl.

_I took that from him_, the thought came to her still now. _I took 13 years of that from him. How did he ever forgive me? How can he really love me after I did that?_

Sometimes she feared the secret guilt that she carried over that would never leave her.

"I need to ask you something," she cut in to Luke's talk about tour buses vs. airplanes.

He glanced over at her. "About what?"

"Did you…" she said slowly and carefully. "Did you give Deacon that black eye?"

Luke laughed, in that easy carefree way that he did, and took another swing of his beer. "Aw, that was just a little good natured tusslin' backstage and I popped him one. You know how us guys are."

Yeah. She did. And she didn't think there was anything good natured about it.

"What were you "tussling" about?"+ She asked neutrally. "Because dinner the other night? That was more than just uncomfortable. That was an out and out pissing match waiting to happen." Watching the two of them silently challenge each other across the table, it probably would have been humorous if it were anyone else, but to her it was just plain old embarrassing.

"I don't even remember." He waved it off. "Dead and buried."

She set her glass down on the side table, then stood up and walked to the porch railing and leaned against the edge, frowning. "Kind of like those text messages missing from my phone the other day, huh?"

Luke's shoulders got noticeably stiffer. "I told you that wasn't me."

_I wish I believed you. _

"What was so important in those messages anyway? I'm sure whoever it was just called back later, right?"

"It was information about a…show," she edged around the truth. "I just don't like to think that you would have done something like that."

"You sound like you don't believe me."

"IF you say you didn't do it, I guess you didn't, huh?"

Their eyes locked.

She just watched him, wondering for the first time in the six months they'd been together how well she really knew him at all.

"You know," Luke said, his voice clearly agitated. "You worry an awful lot about what's going on with Deacon. Why is that?"

Her face flushed. "Well, he's Maddie's father, Luke," she said a little more defensively than she meant to. "He's always going to be a part of our lives. You have accept that. Just like Teddy, or your ex wife. I would never be rude to her, and I'd certainly never get into a fist fight with her!"

Luke shook his head, and ran his hand through his hair.

She thought he actually looked angry.

"You're never going to cut the cord, are you? Am I supposed to live the rest of my life with Deacon stopping over whenever he feels like it, and making eyes at you when he thinks no one isn't looking?"

"You know what," Rayna said quietly. "That doesn't even justify an answer. I'm not having this argument with you." She grabbed her purse off the bench, and headed for the steps, searching for her keys.

"Come on a second," he said, trying to catch her arm as she stalked past him. "Ray, stop."

"_Don't _touch me," she said, shaking him off as she threw open her truck door. "And don't you dare call me that. You haven't earned the right."

#####################################################################

Rayna was so mad as she whipped her SUV out of his driveway in a cloud of dust and peeled down the road, that her hands on the steering wheel were practically shaking.

Two miles down the road, she had to pull over. She took a few deep breaths to regain her dignity and her self-control. She was Rayna Jaymes, dammit. She did NOT lose it like that. Ever.

But that's exactly what had been happening for weeks now. Her life was moving too fast, higher and out of reach that it had ever been, beyond her control. She needed to find a way to get it back.

She didn't know if she was more angry at Luke for not being honest or herself. She wasn't being honest with herself either. And she hadn't been in a long time.

She looked down at the ring on her finger. Slowly, she slipped it off and slid it into her purse.

Her hand was so much lighter, bare, a thin white band on her skin where it had been.

Taking another deep breath, she reached for her phone and called her sister.

Tandy picked up on the second ring. "What's up?"

"I think I've made up my mind," she said.

"About the proposals?"

"Yep," she said quietly. "I think I need to find out who I am without a ring on my finger or a man by my side for awhile."

Tandy sounded surprised. "So you're saying no to both of them?"

"I'm not saying no," she said. "I'm just saying….not right now."

"To which one?" Tandy asked.

"I think you know the answer to that."

"Yeah," she could hear the smile in her sister's voice. "I think I do. "

#######################################################################

Maddie slowly pushed the door open to their mother's bedroom suite.

"This is a really, really bad idea," Daphne said, biting her lip as she trailed after her sister into the room.

"Don't worry," Maddie insisted. "Mom left me in charge of you, and she said she's not coming back until 7. We have 2 hours. Just stand guard, just in case. I feel like she's lying to us about something, and I want to know what it is."

Daphne looked appalled. "Mom wouldn't do that."

Her sister gave her a Look. "She lied about who my dad was, didn't she?"

"Okay,fine." Daphne said begrudgingly. "But what are we looking for?"

"I'm not sure." Maddie said as she opened the door to the closet. "But I know there was a lot of pictures and stuff last time I was looking around.

Last time she'd went snooping, she had ended up with a new father.

She lifted the sweaters of her mother's bottom drawers. Nothing there. Nothing on the bottom shelf of the closet, either. That metal box of truth had been removed.

Apparently Rayna was now one step ahead of her daughters, Maddie realized.

"Darn!" She said, abandoning the closet.

Daphne still guarded the door, looking anxious.

Maddie went to the bureau and carefully pulled open the top drawer to search underneath the lingerie. She found nothing.

She went to the jewelry box and lifted the lid, fingering her mom's gorgeous diamond necklaces and earrings.

"Aw, look," she said, beckoning Daphne over.

Daphne reluctantly left her post.

Maddie held the pearl earrings up to her ears. "These were Grandma's. I beg Mom to wear them all the time, and she says I can have them when I'm 18."

Daphne stood on tiptoes and peered into the box. "I never saw her wear that ring," she said, pointing to the silver carved band that had been hidden underneath all the rest of the jewelry. "It's pretty."

Maddie's heart stopped as she took it out of the box and examined it. "Oh my gosh," she murmured. "I've seen this before." Her eyes got huge.

"What? Where?" Daphne asked impatiently.

"It used to be on a chain. At Deacon's house, hanging from the mirror in his room. I saw it once a long time ago. And then it was gone." Maddie said softly.

Daphne looked confused. "I don't get it."

"That means he gave it to Mom," Maddie said. "Ohmygosh, Daphne, that means Deacon and Luke must have both asked Mom to marry them!"

Daphne's eyes were huge. "Is that even allowed?!

And her mom was still wearing Luke's ring on her finger, while this one was hidden away. Did she tell him no, Maddie wondered. _How could she ever tell him no. He loves her so much._

"I think you need to put that back," Daphne said nervously. "I mean, really. You're going get us in trouble for snooping again."

Rayna's voice sounded loud and stern behind them as she stood in the doorway. "Yes," she said. "You certainly are."

Maddie winced, and she quickly dropped the ring back in the jewelery box and slammed it shut. She squared her shoulders and turned to face her punishment.

#####################################################

Well, that hadn't been any fun, Rayna thought, as she closed Daphne's bedroom door after saying goodnight.

After giving the girls a big lecture on privacy and snooping, the inevitable question about the rings had come up. She didn't know how else to say it without being honest, and skirted around most of the details except that yes, they had both asked her to marry them.

_Maddie was an instant mess. "So you said no to Dad," she kept saying. She looked like she was trying real hard not to cry. _

_ "Well, honey, I…guess I didn't really say no to him. I just didn't give him an answer yet." She winced, as it sounded awful to her own ears. "Sometimes adult feelings take a long time to sort out."_

_ "But you took Luke's ring off your finger!" _

_ "Well….I did," Rayna admitted. "Just for now. Luke and I have a lot of things to talk about. I know it's really hard for the two of you to understand, but I want you to know that I just want what's best for all of us. As a family. And I'm trying to figure it out and make sure I make the right decision."_

_ Daphne had been fairly quiet up to this point, huddled on the edge of the bed with her knees against her chest. _

_ "Does that mean you love Luke more than Deacon?" _

_ "Daphne!" Maddie said appalled. "Of course she doesn't. You don't, right mom?" _

_ There was such a hopeful edge in her voice, that it broke Rayna's heart. Of course any kid would want their parents to end up together in the end. It was one of the things she feared the most about her and Deacon ever being together again. If it didn't work out, Maddie would suffer more than all of them._

_ Rayna sighed. "It's not more or less, honey, it's just…different. And that's all I think we are going to say about it tonight." _

_ Maddie glared at her, and stalked out of the room. Moments later they heard her bedroom door slam. _

_ Daphne winced. "She's going to be grounded for a long time, isn't she?" _

_ "Probably," Rayna agreed. "Now why don't you go on off and get ready for bed. And no more snooping!" _

_ "It was her idea anyway. I love you mommy," she hugged her around the middle. _

_ "Love you too, sweetheart." _

_ Daphne stopped in the doorway and looked back at her mom sitting there on the edge of the bed staring at the shiny silver ring in her hand. She looked sad._

_ "I don't think it's really that hard, Mom," she said with a ten year old's logic. "All you have to do is give Luke's ring back." Then she turned and walked out. _

_ Oh my sweet girls, _Rayna thought now, as she leaned on the wall outside Daphne's room_. If only it was that simple. _

If only it was ever that simple.

_######################################################_

Rayna hadn't particularly wanted to come to Boston. She had way too many things going on at home, in the office, with promoting her own album, but Luke called the next morning sounding all trite and apologetic and asked her to be there with him.

She reluctantly had agreed, only because after Boston he was flying out tomorrow for shows on the west coast, and wouldn't be back for a month. And she needed to talk to him. Badly. So after dropping the girls off with Teddy for the weekend, she boarded her private plane and flew up there.

In the arena before the show, she found him in his Wheeler-sized dressing room, banging out a new guitar riff with members of his band.

Luke looked surprised to see her standing there, and gestured them all out.

"I thought you weren't comin."

She sighed, and sank into the leather sofa next to him. "I think we need to talk."

"Well, that sure don't sound like something I much want to hear."

She took his hand and pressed something into it. The ring.

Luke's eyes jerked up and met hers, stunned. He clearly hadn't seen that one coming.

She pushed the guilt away.

"What the hell, Rayna?"

"I'm not ready for this," she said quietly. "_We_ aren't ready for this, and I think you know that too. I need some time to myself, Luke. I need to go back to figuring out who I am, and how to keep my life under control without any ring on my finger. I need it. For me. This is for me."

He got real quiet, sitting there thinking it over. "This is really what you want, huh?"

"Yes," Rayna said firmly. "I'm not….saying it will never happen. Just that it can't right now."

He gave a low laugh. "I'm not Deacon, you know."

"Oh, and what is that supposed to mean," she said testily. Try to let the guy off the hook nicely, and he always seemed to slip back into this slight-jerk mode she'd seen more and more lately. She didn't like it.

He stood up and shrugged. "Just that I'm not gonna sit around and wait for you for 15 years like he did. It's now or never, Rayna. You better figure out what you want in a hurry, because if you wait too long, it'll be gone." He stalked out of the room, bumping his shoulder into Deacon coming down the hallway as he did, having just finished his set.

"Whoa sorry," Deacon sidestepped to avoid him.

"Hey, just the guy I was looking for," Luke said, clapping him on the shoulder hard. A little too hard to be friendly. "Looks like we're going to be changing it up after tonight's show so we won't need you for that west coast run of the tour after all."

"Oh is that so," Deacon said, keeping his voice even. "So this musta just happen, huh? Like in the last hour?"

"Yep. Sorry, just gotta shake things up a little. Keep it interesting for the fans."

"I see," Deacon said. Like hell if he was gonna let Wheeler see that it bothered him one bit. "Wonder why you decided to do that. Seeing as I have a contract and all." Hell, he didn't necessarily like having to look at Luke on tour during every show, but it was business. He could act professional, even if this guy couldn't. And he needed the exposure as a solo artist. Getting cut halfway through a major concert tour was going to look like shit to the press, and Luke knew it.

"Just business," Luke said smoothly. "You call Jeff Fordham. He'll take care of buying you out of it. No hard feelings. " He continued down the hallway.

Deacon stood there for a second trying to absorb what had just happened, and trying to decide whether to be really pissed off, or relieved that it would mean he would now subject to 90% less of Luke and Rayna hanging all over each other. _What the hell was_ _that?_ That guy was more inconsistent than the weather in December. _No hard feelings, my ass._ Luke had held a grudge against him for 20 years, evident by the remnants of the bruise around his eye that was just still barely noticeable. Sure, they could joke around and act like buddies, but it sure as hell didn't make them friends.

With a sigh he turned to head for the rehearsal room to pack up his guitars. Maybe still catch a flight home yet tonight.

He tried to tell himself maybe it wasn't such a bad thing. A hell of a lot of other artists had been asking for him to open for them before he'd signed with Luke. And he'd been bummed at the thought of going a whole month without seeing Maddie. The Wheeler tour had been nothing more than him trying to get his foot back in the industry anyway. He could sure as hell do that one way or another without hanging on Luke's coattails.

He had his hand on the door handle to open it when it opened in front of him instead, and Rayna walked out.

Her face looked obviously upset, but she slid on that stage face and pasted on a smile when she saw him.

"Uh….hey," he said, surprised to see her. "I didn't even know you were here."

"Just going," she said with false brightness. "I only heard a little of your set but it sounded good. See ya." She turned to walk away.

He reached out and put a hand on her arm. "Wait a sec."

Rayna couldn't look him in the eye. She just couldn't. She felt like she'd crumble if she did. Just completely lose it.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm fine."

"You're not fine."

He opened the door to the empty rehearsal room, and gently pushed her back inside.

Rayna stood in front of him with her arms across her chest, looking everywhere but at him.

But he knew her, and he knew when to call her on it.

_Damn him,_ she thought. _He's like a damn psychic, always showing up at the absolute worse moment, trying to read my mind when I don't want him to. _

"Talk."

She took a deep breath. "Well, I told Luke I wasn't ready to get married," she said. "And he didn't take it well."

Deacon's eyes immediately went to her hand. The two ton rock on her finger was gone. Sure, his wasn't there either, but somehow his chest suddenly felt 10 pounds lighter. The fact that there was still hope made him ridiculously, pathetically happy.

"Is that right?"

"Yes," Rayna admitted. "I just…I need some time to myself. I need to know I can stand on my own two feet, with everything. With my personal life, with Highway 65. I need to know I can do that before I attach myself to anyone else. So I just told him….not right now. And he didn't like it much."

She did meet his eyes then, pleading for him to understand.

"Makes sense," he said quietly. He realized she wasn't just saying "not right now" to Luke. Well, it wasn't the greatest answer, but it wasn't "No" either. "I mean you should do it because you want to, right? Not because you're….forced to make a choice. In marriage or anything else."

He didn't regret telling her how he felt. Because that speech had been building for a long, long time. But he regretted that it had been a forced hand, brought on by Luke's proposal in a "now or never" moment, a moment that terrified him. He couldn't watch her go off and marry the wrong guy again. He couldn't just stand there on the side of the stage for another 20 years and let it happen.

He'd fight for her, for the family that was supposed to be theirs, no matter how long it took. She might not understand that yet, but she would. He knew her. If it took a little time of her finding herself, he could deal with that.

"Right." She looked a little bit relieved.

"And it makes sense now too," Deacon said, running a hand through his hair. "That he just fired me as an opener."

Her jaw dropped practically to the floor. "He did not."

"Yep. Guess they're not gonna be needing me for the west coast shows after all."

"Deacon, I'm really sorry. I'm embarrassed by the way he's been acting lately. And I know it was him that hit you."

This time it was Deacon's turn to look anywhere but at her, but he didn't deny it. "Yeah, well….guess he thought he had a reason to."

"Well he didn't, and it's damn immature."

"Well anyway, I gotta go see if I can catch a flight home yet tonight. No sense sticking around here. Good luck, with you know…everything." He squeezed her arm. "You'll be fine, Ray. You always land on your feet."

"You too. Sure there's someone else that will offer you an opening spot. Hell, I'd do it if it wasn't so…..awkward," she admitted. "I mean we're good, right?"

He laughed softly. "Yeah. We're good."

"Well…good." She murmured. Something about his eyes always got her, the way he looked at her…He could do it on an empty room or onstage in an arena full of fans. When he looked at her, she felt like she was the only person in the world, and everything in the background just turned to a blur.

He turned to go first.

"You know," Rayna said, before she could change her mind. "I got a pretty big empty plane waiting on the tarmac at the airport. No sense in me sticking around either. You want to hitch a ride back to Nashville?"

The surprise on his face was evident. "Yeah, that would be good." He said without hesitation. "That'd be real good, Ray. Then we can talk about Maddie, too. I have a few things that I want to run by you."

_Right_, she thought. They could talk about Maddie. No matter what happened, they'd always have their daughter between them, tying them together in an unbreakable bond. Luke was wrong to say she had to cut the strings. They had a child between them.

"Well, alright then," she said, a smile sliding across her face as she opened the door. "I got a car waiting out back where there's no paparazzi in sight. Let's hit the road."

"After you, darlin."

As they walked down the hallway together, they didn't touch or talk, but Rayna realized a lot of tension that had been plaguing the two of them ever since she started dating Luke was gone. Just like that, just with three words. It didn't even have to be yes or no, but apparently "not right now" was enough to sooth the restless energy between them into something much more comfortable.

_This is good, _she told herself silently, sneaking a peek at him as he walked with his head down and his hands in his pockets_. _Thinking. He was always thinking. She wished she could read his mind as well as he could read hers.She wished she could be as confident as he seemed to be that they could make it work. But this was a good place to start.

_Maybe some day we'll get it right. _


	5. Chapter 5

**This isn't really based on any spoilers, just an idea I had floating around in my head for awhile and a little "wishful thinking" for s3. **

Rayna looked down at her vibrating phone as they waited for airport valet to bring her truck around to the front.

The message was from Luke_. I'm sorry I went off the handle. We can still be together without throwing an engagement on top of it. Can we talk?_

She bit her lip and snuck a peek at Deacon. He was standing next to her looking as handsome as ever and completely unperturbed by the fact that he'd been kicked off the biggest tour in the country just a few hours ago, leaning against a brick pillar texting something on his own phone.

_Soon_, she typed.

Deacon was laughing.

Well she couldn't _not _ask. "What's so funny?"

"It's Maddie," he said, shaking his head. "I just messaged her that I was back and I'd see her on Sunday. She sent me this picture." He held out his phone and showed it to her. It was Daphne and Maddie in their pajamas, crossing their eyes and making goofy expressions.

Rayna couldn't help but smile. "I tell you, those two girls of mine have got some talents, don't they?"

"They make me smile every day, that's for sure."

###############################################

Maddie was surprised when she got the return message back from her dad, and Deacon had made his own funny face….and her mom was standing there next to him making one of her own and sticking her tongue out.

"Look," she said to her sister in surprise. "He's with mom? I wonder how that happened."

"Really?" Daphne jumped off her bed to see. "I thought she went to Boston to see Luke."

"Yeah, so did I. Deacon's supposed to open for Luke, but still that's so weird."

"Well that's good, right? Maybe our plan is working."

"Yes. That's very good." Maddie said, satisfied. Her thumbs rattled off a return message.

"Girls, you better not still be messing around up there," Teddy's voice came from the hallway. "It's past midnight."

Maddie rolled her eyes, and Daphne scrambled out the door to go to her own room.

Maddie hit the lights and climbed into her bed, smiling. She'd sleep a lot better tonight, she thought.

Because wherever they were, at least her mom and dad were together.

###############################################

The message from Maddie played through Deacon's head as Rayna drove them back to Nashville. He hadn't even argued with letting her drive, too many thoughts on his mind. She seemed pretty quiet as well.

_You should play her the song. She told me the other day she wants to hear it. _

There was a good chance their daughter was just playing matchmakerand Rayna didn't really give a damn about that song_. _He'd suspected that for awhile, and loved the hell out of Maddie for trying so hard. Then again, maybe Rayna _should_ hear it.

Rayna pulled to a stop in front of his house, and he just sat there for a second, wanting to say so many things, not knowing where to start.

Apparently her thinking wasn't too far off the same path as his. He was surprised when she spoke first. "I wanted you ask you something," she said quietly. "That concert at the Bluebird…..why was it so important to you that I was there? I've heard you play there a hundred times."

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Really? She didn't know by now? "It was part of a special they're going to air at Thanksgiving. It was about…well, it was about families."

Rayna swallowed hard around the lump in her throat. "I see." She knew how important family was to him, and she knew the awful situation that he'd been raised in. Really Scarlett and that crazy sister of his were all the family he'd ever had.

"You're my family, Ray," he said simply. "You and Maddie and Daphne and Scarlett. You're all I got. And you weren't there, you know? And I…needed you to be."

His words hurt, because she knew he was just being honest. "Deacon, I am so sorry. It really was a misunderstanding."

He laughed softly. "Yeah, I bet. Maddie told me how Luke erased your text messages."

She looked at him in surprise. "She did?"

"Yep. That guy really has it in for me."

"I never wanted to mess things up for you," she said. "Career-wise, I mean. I can't believe he was block-headed enough to kick you off the tour."

"I'll find a different one," he said. "It wasn't much fun anymore anyway. Was getting old, you know…."

"What was getting old?"

"Well," he said levelly. "Watching you and Luke hang all over each other was getting damn sickening, that's for sure. Even though I know it's all for public show with him."

Her face flushed. "He's….different than you. The publicity doesn't bother him."

"It always bothered you," he said. "Doesn't it now?"

"It does," she admitted. "You know that."

"Yeah, well…You got a few minutes?" He said quietly. "I could play that song for you right now if you want. I mean, if you really wanna hear it."

Rayna hesitated. "Deacon. It's late…."

Deacon looked away, looked out the window, trying to hide how defeated he felt. "Right. Well, see ya then. Thanks for the plane ride and all. It was nice catching up." He opened the door to get out.

She sighed. "Wait," she said. "Okay, just five minutes, right?"

His eyes met hers across the small space, lighting up instantly. "Sure thing."

So she parked the truck and followed him up the front porch into his house.

It gave her a feeling of loss to be there now. This was the home that had been theirs together once, but now any trace of her was gone. But Maddie was here. Maddie's presence was everywhere, the sweater hanging from a chair, the pictures of her on the mantel, the young adult novel on the coffee table. This was "their" home, Deacon's and Maddie's. It wasn't hers.

For a second, she wanted so god-awful bad to feel like she belonged there. She wanted all those lost years back. For Deacon and Maddie. And for herself.

_This was a terrible idea,_ she thought, her heart sinking. _I should have just driven away._. Just like that night backstage when he'd kissed her. She should just let him walk away from her, and she always called him back. She never seemed to be able to stop herself. She eyed up the door, debating a quick retreat.

Deacon came in from the other room with his favorite guitar in his hand.

_Too late to escape now. _

She didn't really know what to do with herself as she watched himself settle on the leather couch and start to play, so she just stood there with her arms crossed, trying to look everywhere but directly at Deacon as his fingers hit the strings and he started to play.

The lyrics hit her harder than probably anything he'd ever written. Damn him. Only Deacon Claybourne could turn a spur of the moment marriage proposal into a song. Only he could say I'm sorry and I love you and I need you in the span of 4 minutes and make it sound that beautiful. The words sunk into her and wound around her soul.

_I know how to love you now… _

By the time he got to the second verse, without almost realizing it, she had moved from her awkward post in the middle of the room, and sat down on the edge of the coffee table in front of him.

He stopped playing, and his eyes locked with hers.

His eyes got her every time. They always had. He might be a man with a lot of painful secrets in his past, but the truth was always in his eyes. Their truth.

"I'm not giving up on us, Ray." He said with quiet determination. He reached out and put a hand on her cheek. "I can't. I don't know how."

Rayna closed her eyes. "And I don't know why. I've done nothing but hurt you over and over again. I don't deserve you, Deacon."

Maybe that was a big part of it, she realized. The guilt. The fear that he deserved better than her. Because with all his demons and all the battles he'd fought, she knew deep down there wasn't a better, purer, more honest and loving soul on earth than his. And what was she really, sure she'd made her own way but always there was a safety net under her: her father, her sister, her family's name. He'd fought his battle with no one to catch him except her. And when she'd abandoned him to marry Teddy, he had to save himself. He'd made a good life for himself. She had no idea why he'd want her in it to mess it up again.

He set the guitar aside. "You really think that?"

"Yes," She whispered, her heart racing as he leaned in closer. She shouldn't let him. She knew she should get up and go. But that feeling….that feeling was there. So good and sweet, making her head swim and her heart literally ache. Being here with him the rest of the world just melted away.

"Guess I'm gonna have to prove you wrong then," he murmured, just before he kissed her and pulled her into his arms. She didn't resist, because she couldn't. She had never known how to resist him.

_This is good_, she thought as she let him pick her up in his big strong arms and carry her down the hall to the room once upon a time that had been theirs. When this house had been their home together._ This is really, really good. _

_###########################################_

Rayna woke from a delicious dream, sated, safe in the arms that held her close, the hand that stroked her hip under the sheet, the five o clock shadow smiling sleepily against her neck. .

"Good morning," she murmered.

Because of course, it wasn't a dream. And as soon as she left these arms, this bed, she was going to have to deal with all of it. But for right now, she felt safe. And loved. So very loved.

"Yeah, it's a good one, alright," he said with a smile, leaning over to keep her deeply, thoroughly.

It took every life force she had to make herself even think about leaving that bed and those hands magically stroking her bare skin. "Mmmm…" she murmured. "Don't tempt me. I should have been at the office an hour ago."

Sure enough, her cell phone on the nightstand immediately started going off.

She groaned. "Really," she grumbled. "Bucky is like a bulldog. Doesn't he just ever sleep in?"

Deacon laughed softly and nuzzled her neck.

She closed her eyes and smiled. "You need to stop that. I can't even think straight."

That was an underestimate. That's how last night had happened in the first place. Deacon had a way of making her throw all rational thoughts right out the window. Only he could make "five minutes" turn into making love until dawn.

_No regrets_, she told herself. She'd lived her life with too many regrets already.

With a sigh, she sat up, the sheet wrapped around her. "I should really call him back. He's probably having a coronary because I'm not at the office. All the remodeling starts today."

"Listen," Deacon said in a low voice as he watched her search for her clothes and boots. "I meant everything I said last night, you know that right?"

She melted back onto the edge of the bed. "I know you did," she whispered. "I just…need time to sort this all out. And I have to tell him. Not to mention the press is going to destroy me with all this broken engagement drama." Him being Luke. She didn't even have to say it.

"I know," Deacon leaned over and kissed her forehead. "When you're ready, I'll be here. You know that."

"Come to the office later. I bet I can find some room for you on Juliette's tour. At least for a few dates." Rayna said as she pulled her boots on.

"You would do that?" Deacon smirked. "I thought you said it would be awkward."

She gave him a raised eyebrow look. "I guess it'll be a little less now, huh?"

"I guess so. Could be….convenient even."

Rayna put her hands on her hips and cocked her head, standing there in her boots and jeans with her shirt unbuttoned, shaking her finger at him. "Oh you think so? Don't go thinkin this is gonna happen all the time because I am a respectable woman with a business and-."

"Of course," he said solemnly, hooking his fingers into her belt loops and dragging her closer.

She was still rambling. " kids and- stop that. Deacon, seriously. You make all my common sense go away, I swear."

He was already pulling her backwards onto the bed with him. Boots and all.

####################################################

The reality slammed home for Rayna an hour later as she finally pulled herself away from him long enough to use his shower, make herself respectable, and drive to the office several hours behind schedule.

The reality of what she was REALLY doing hit her hard. The reality that she had just left a man behind who had literally waited for her for 15 years, with such hope in his eyes and a look of love on his face that it nearly killed her to walk out the door. The reality that Luke was probably going to show up at her office when he got back to town today and expect that they were still a "thing"- sure not an engaged thing, but a thing in general. She wasn't really sure what that was anymore.

Two blocks before where the new Highway 65 offices were located, she turned. She just couldn't face them. Any of them, Bucky with his ever-knowing expressions. Luke. Deacon, who would probably show up later because like an idiot, she _told_ him to. Good grief, one look at the two of them and every person in the room was going to know what they'd spent last night doing.

She kept driving. And driving. She was running and she knew it. Unable to face any of it.

Confused, conflicted, hurting, and ashamed. Very ashamed. Because she knew she was taking the coward's way out. Just like someone else in her family. She was tired of constantly trying to do the right thing and hurting people she cared about in the process.

She should go back. She knew she should. Face Luke and tell him that she didn't want to be with him.. Face the press and tell them there was not going to be a multi-million dollar wedding and new King/Queen of country. Face her kids and tell them she was sorry for messing up the last two years of their lives. Face Deacon and tell him….well what, that she still loved him? That was the scariest thing of all. Last time she'd said those words to him she'd ended up in a coma.

But she kept driving anyway. Before she knew it, she was right back where she'd started yesterday. At the airport.

#################################################

Deacon felt like he was probably grinning like a fool for the better part of the day, and he was still feelin pretty darn happy when he pulled into the H65 lot later that afternoon. To say that last night was a step in the right direction had been an understatement. He could never find the right words to describe waking up this morning with Rayna in his arms.

It made him whole again.

But he was surprised when he walked in and found all hell was breaking loose and Rayna was nowhere in sight.

Bucky was on him immediately. And here came "Wheels Up" as well. Luke didn't look much happier to see Deacon than he had last night when he fired him.

"Guess you got a flight home, huh?"

"Something like that," Deacon said evenly.

"Have you heard from Rayna?" Bucky asked. "Her phone is going straight to voicemail. She hasn't picked up in hours, and that's not like her."

He glanced over at Luke uneasily. Luke was punching numbers into his phone.

"Still nothing, she's got it turned off," he said, irritated. "She never does that. Something's gotta be wrong. God knows with all these crazy ass people showing up outside our events lately."

"Maybe she just needed to unplug for awhile," Deacon said, directing it towards Bucky. "Leave her be and give her a few hours." But it _was _odd. Rayna almost never turned her phone off, and she was obsessive about charging the battery.

"Oh, and you would know, right?" Luke said, unable to hide a smirk.

Deacon opened his mouth to comment, but thought the better of it. Rayna had promised she'd give Luke the bad news, and he had to trust her on that.

"Trouble is," Bucky said, speaking before the two of them could start duking it out again. "I can't give her a few hours. We have renovation people waiting, and press engagements this afternoon, and we need to start rehearsing for that show next weekend in Memphis."

Luke got into discussing all that with Bucky, and Deacon took a moment to slip away.

He dialed Rayna's number and it didn't go to voicemail, but she didn't pick up either.

_Pick up,_ he texted. _It's an emergency._

No response.

With a sigh he shook his head and headed out the door.

_Shoulda know last night was too good,_ he thought.

He knew her good enough to know she was probably holed up somewhere with her thoughts and a notebook, and nobody was gonna find her until she wanted to be found. But he went looking anyway.

He went every place he could think of looking for her, even the cabin. Two hours later, he found himself back in the Highway 65 parking lot. And there was still no sign of Rayna anywhere.

An uneasy feeling settled in the pit of his stomach. He texted her again, not liking himself much for being about to scare her out of hiding.

_Daphne broke her leg at school. Please call back._

Two minutes later his phone rang.

"What?!" Rayna exclaimed. "What happened? is she-."

""She's fine," he said calmly. "Sorry, but it got you to answer, didn't it?"

"Deacon, I am going to kill you for that, making me worry!"

"Nevermind that," he said impatiently. 'Ray, where are you? Luke's practically ready to issue a missing person's warrant, and Bucky's been going crazy all day trying not to run your company off a cliff."

Silence on her end. "I just….needed to get away for a little while. And don't give me that baloney. Bucky can probably run that company better than I can."

"Uh…okay," he said. "When you coming back?"

"I don't know…maybe in a day or two?"

Deacon didn't like the sound of that. At all. "Ray, where are you? I'll come and get you. This isn't like you, at all."

"No!" She said, appalled. "No way."

"Why not?"

"Because, she said exasperatedly. "You're distracting. I can't….think rationally when you're around." It was harder than hell to even admit that, but it was true.

"So this is about last night, huh."

"Not totally."

"But partially, right?"

"Maybe a little. I just…needed a little time to think."

"Ray, please just tell me where you are. This is ridiculous. You're worrying Bucky and scaring the girls for nothing." He demanded. "Why would you think taking off would ever be a good idea."

"The girls? Why should they be worried, they're at Teddy's for the week."

"I told you, Luke's got everyone worked up into a panic."

_Oh for the love of Pete_, she thought. Probably just trying to get more cameras aimed in his direction.

"I'm fine," she said firmly. "I'll send you a postcard." And she hung up.

Deacon dropped the phone on his dashboard, exasperated. Where the hell would she go? He'd looked everywhere he could think of within a hundred mile radius.

It hit him like a bolt of lightning.

_I'll send you a postcard_….


	6. Chapter 6

She was sitting on the beach in her bikini reading a book, big floppy hat and sunglasses hiding her face, but Deacon would have known those red waves of hair anywhere.

Relief flooded over him, but he couldn't decide in that moment if he was more relieved that he'd been looking in the right place, or ticked off that he'd had to come all the way to Cabo San Lucas to find her. At least she was okay. Not that he'd really had much doubt. Rayna had always been pretty damn good at taking care of herself, better than most people gave her credit for.

Rayna was not surprised one bit when her sun was suddenly blocked by a tall shadow, and two booted feet stopped in front of her. She'd been expecting him. Sort of. Somehow she knew he was gonna show up whether she wanted him to or not. He looked so out of place in his jeans and black tshirt among all the half-naked beach-goers standing there with his hands on his hips looking pretty well… pissed.

"What the hell, Rayna." Deacon said, shaking his head. "What the hell."

She sighed and snapped her book closed. "Well I guess you found me. Congratulations. Now what?"

"I came to bring your sorry butt back home."

"I'm a full grown woman, Deacon. If I want to come to Mexico and sit on the beach with my thoughts, I am perfectly allowed." She started gathering up her things and folding her chair, looking ticked off.

"Wait a minute," he said, stepping in front of her. "_You_ don't get to be mad at _me_. I had to fly all night, change flights two times, go through customs, and sit next to a man who smelled worse than New York on a 100 degree day to get here."

"Well," Rayna said stiffly, struggling to hold onto all her stuff. "No one asked you to come. Go on back home then. That's why I have my own plane. I'll be back in three days."

Deacon gave her the Look. "I'll _send you a postcard? _You coulda just hung up before you got to that line. And you didn't."

She avoided his eyes as she went around him, and promptly dropped half her stuff back on the sand. So there was a small chance she had unconsciously added that last line to their phone conversation to see if he'd figure it out. To see if he could be the only one who could find her. It was a little triumphant, she couldn't lie. Just proof that he knew her better than anyone else.

Still, she couldn't decide if she was glad he was there or not. The two days alone had been good for her peace of mind, and she was a little perturbed that it was now officially interrupted.

Deacon picked up her chair and she followed him up the beach, grumbling to herself.

Of course he knew exactly where they were going. Because they'd been here before.

Rayna unlocked the door to the small condo she'd rented and Deacon made no hesitation to go in before she could kick him out.

"We need to talk," he said firmly.

"So talk," she said, avoiding his eyes as she took off her hat and sunglasses and laid them on the table and started shaking all the sand out of her hair.

"Put on some clothes first," Deacon said.

She raised her eyebrows and stopped all the hair shaking. She looked down at her fairly modest black bikini. "It's a beach, Deacon. Was I supposed to wear a sweater?"

"You're distracting," he grumbled. Cuz now all he could think about was the other night….and waking up with her the next morning. And wanting that every night and morning for the rest of his life.

"Well," she said, her face sliding into a smirk. "How does it feel?"

He resolved to keep his eyes on her face so he wouldn't be as tempted to throw her on the bed behind them and show her how distracting she was. "Ray, why did you really come here?"

"I told you why," she said stubbornly. "I wanted to be alone."

"Why THIS place?" He said. "Of all the places. You coulda just checked into the Hilton for a night if you wanted to be alone. And you had to come all the damn way down here."

"You know why," she said quietly. "Because everything…changed here."

He knew that. He'd known where she was going the second she dropped that "postcard" line. He just wanted to hear her say it.

With a sigh, she walked to the double doors that led out to a private patio. Just past that, over a low hedge, the beach and the ocean beckoned.

They'd been here before, in this very place, actually in the very room they were standing in. She'd requested number 32 on purpose, and when the owner found out who she was, he didn't hesitate to make sure she got her request.

"I get it," Deacon said, leaning against the rail next to her. "I just don't get…why now?"

"I guess I wanted to remember what it was like," Rayna said, staring out towards the water where the waves crashed. "We were so young back then, no worries except getting to the next show on time and not messing up the set list."

They'd drive down here on a complete impulse after a show in L.A and stayed for a week. Laying on the beach all day, drinking tequila and dancing all night, making friends with other vacationers. This is where they'd written "Postcard to Mexico". In this very room, he remembered. She'd been about 19 then, and just finally getting a taste of being on her own and out of Lamar's reach. She'd called home, just so no one would worry and Lamar had a fit. "See ya in a week, Daddy," he remembered her saying. I'll send you a postcard."

The big deal was it was all different after the trip here. Because when they came back, they were in love. They were together. They were…everything.

"It was easy," Deacon remembered, standing next to her shoulder to shoulder. "So easy."

She nodded. "I guess, I just wanted to…see if I could feel that again."

"Do you?"

"Well not the easy part." Rayna admitted. "But the fact that you found me and no one else could…that means something."

His eyes crinkled into a smile. "Yeah. It means either I'm really smart or I just like sand in my boots."

She sighed, and shook her head, and swatted at his arm. "It means you know me," she said softly.

"I do. So if this is about yesterday morning…."

"It was just too much," she said quietly. "I guess everything I felt overwhelmed me and I didn't know how to handle it. I'm not used to….not being able to handle things. I don't like feeling out of control."

"Well, I know how that feels," he couldn't lie. Because when it got to be too much for him, he had always turned to the bottle. Now he didn't do that, but it had taken him a lot of years and a lot of pain to learn how to channel his frustrations into other things.

Deacon took her hands in his. "I know it's gonna take you awhile to sort everything out, Ray. But you have to promise to let me be there. And don't go running off again. Don't run away. Come to me and I'll help you."

Her eyes met his and she just couldn't look away. The truth in his eyes always got her. He loved her. She knew that. He always had. She didn't need a ring on her finger to know.

"I've left a lot of things to chance in the last 25 years. Songs. Tours. Albums. You know how this business is. Everything about is chance. But you….you're my greatest chance," she said quietly. "You and me. If I took a chance on us again and it didn't work…I don't think I could stand that again."

His hand touched her face gently. "If you don't take the chance, Ray….How are we ever gonna find out?"

She couldn't really find the right words, so she just nodded.

"I'll leave you be to your peace and quiet," he said begrudgingly. "If you promise me you're heading home tomorrow? The girls are worried. Hell, even Luke is worried and I can almost sympathize with him this time." Almost.

"I promise," she said resolutely.

"I'm gonna go see about getting someplace to sleep and find something to eat. Those tiny airplane sandwiches don't do much for a guy."

"Right," she said, watching him head towards the door.

_Take a chance_, a tiny voice told her. But she'd never been as good at taking chances as he was. She was afraid of what was on the other side of those chances. Highway 65 had been the biggest chance she'd taken in a long time, and he'd been one of her biggest supporters, telling her she could do it. And that hadn't failed.

Maybe this time they wouldn't either.

"Hey Deacon?"

In the doorway, he turned back.

He looked guarded. A little sad.

She took a deep breath. "Think that place with the awesome burritos you loved is still around the corner?"

"Well, that was twenty five years ago and that old guy was already ancient back then so I'm gonna say no. But we could find somewhere else. You hungry?"

"A little," she said begrudgingly. "You still mad at me?"

"A little." He echoed.

She took a few steps towards him. _Take a chance_. She slid her arms around his neck and hugged him tight. "I'm glad you're here. I'm glad it was you."

He laughed softly, burying his face in her hair, all the tension gone out of his shoulders. They were going to be okay. He didn't know how, but every time he got her in his arms, he felt it. Somehow, they were going to make it. He hadn't hung onto that hope for all those years for nothing. It was worth it. _This_ was worth it. "You're glad that I found you, you mean?"

"For all of it," she said seriously. "For the last 25 years….I'm just….glad it was you."

His eyes got kind of blurry. "Ray…."

And then she smiled and turned away. "I'm gonna go get dressed now."

He let out a huge sigh. "Oh sure, now you decide to put your clothes on," he muttered.

She gave him a laughing smile and disappeared into the bathroom.

He shot off a quick text message to Bucky on his phone_. I got her. She's fine. Be home tomorrow. _

Bucky rambled off a series of messages in return asking who what when and where.

"Hey what do you want me to tell him?" Deacon called. "Bucky, I mean."

Rayna came out of the bathroom looked fresh and pretty in a white sundress and strappy sandals.

"Oh, you know…" she said. "You know what? He doesn't have to know where I am. I think I'd rather keep this place just us."

"Would ya?"

She nodded. "Yes. We might come back some day, you know. For a…special occasion or something."

"Or something," he agreed, unable to hide his smile. Maybe an anniversary one day.

#############################################

It turned out the burrito place was still there, now being run by the previous owner's son. They had a great dinner on the outdoor patio, laughed at all the spring breakers whooping it up on the dance floor to American music under the light of a disco ball.

"Do you ever miss that?" Rayna asked as they watched the younger generation, most of them who were clearly intoxicated. "All that wild stuff we did? Man, we were crazy, huh?"

"Sometimes," he said with a smile. "You were always trying to get me to dance."

"It worked a couple times," she remembered. "When you had…enough."

"Sorry. The most moving around you're gonna get me to do in front of people is if I have a guitar in my hands. I feel like an idiot otherwise, flopping around like a damn seagull."

Rayna grabbed his hand. "Come on. Let's go."

"Uh no," he said, resisting, but he was laughing. "Come on, Ray. We're old and sober. These young kids don't want us in the middle of their party."

Rayna put her hands on her hips. "Now you listen here, I don't ever ask too much of you, and just this one time, you get your sorry butt out here and dance with me. Please…."

Deacon had never had been able to say no to those blue eyes of hers as he let her drag him out there. Sure, he didn't dance. But there he was anyway, spinning her around in circles, her head thrown back as she laughed. It was contagious, that laugh of hers. He forgot to feel like an idiot, because he would have done anything in that moment to keep her laughing like that, to keep that happiness on her face.

Rayna felt like she was nineteen years old again, in his arms, without a care in the world to go back to. She knew they really did have to go back tomorrow, she missed her girls, she had a business to run, but just for a little while….it was easy.

#######################################################

It was late Saturday night when they finally landed back in Nashville on her private plane.

Rayna felt a little more at peace than when she'd left in a hurry. Confident she could sort everything out now, one way or another.

She glanced over at Deacon, departing the steps of the plane next to her, his hand in the small of her back so she wouldn't fall. Always thoughtful, always watching out for her. He gave her the confidence to face her fears. He always had.

"Well, there's your firing squad," Deacon said with a sigh.

They were waiting, lined up in the window of the terminal. Not the paparazzi, but her own personal team of people who thought they knew what was best for her: Bucky looking somewhat sympathetic, Teddy looking exasperated, Tandy with her arms cross giving her the scolding look, and Luke looking well….not too happy was an underestimate.

Deacon hung back a little. Behind her as she walked in. But his presence there was reassuring. It meant he had her back if she needed it.

"Well gosh," she said, unable to keep some of the sarcasm out of her voice. "Yall just look so happy to see me. I'm gonna go on home now, and we can get back to business tomorrow."

"I have to get home to the girls," Teddy muttered. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Thanks," she said sincerely, patting him on the arm. "Really. But you can tell the girls I'm fine. "

He nodded his head. "Call them tomorrow. They miss you. And I will bring them back on Monday." And he was off.

"Well then," Rayna said with false brightness, turning to her sister. "Tandy, you mind giving me a ride?"

"I came with Bucky," her sister raised her eyebrows. "And besides, I am very upset with you."

Traitor. Betrayed by her own flesh and blood.

They disappeared in a hurry, apparently none too worried now that she was safe back on home turf, and she was left facing Luke in the terminal.

"I was worried," he said, his face turned down into a frown under the brim of his hat. "Why would you just take off like that and not tell me?"

She sighed. "We need to talk."

"You're right." He agreed. "We do."

She didn't miss the way his arm went around her shoulders a little too possessively as they walked out. Why, she wondered. Because he thought Deacon was watching? It made her uncomfortable.

Deacon was walking out of the terminal in front of them. Alone. Just once he turned back and looked at her.

And she knew. Whatever happened, how long it took, they were going to be alright. She owed it to him to get this right once and for all. She owed him this chance.

#################################################

Luke sat on the sofa three feet away from her like they had done so many times before, but the distance felt like so much more.

"Listen," he said, reaching for her hands. "I know you said you didn't want to get married, but I still want us to be together, Rayna. We're good together."

"There's something I need to tell you."

She opened her palm, and Deacon's ring was there, in between them. It was sort of symbolic that way, because Deacon was always going to be in between them. And it wasn't fair to let Luke think otherwise.

"What the hell is that?"

She took a deep breath. "Deacon gave it to me. A long time ago."

Luke raised his eyebrows. "And you kept it."

"Um…" she bit her bottom lip. "Not exactly. "I gave it back to him last year after the accident."

Luke's eyes searched her face, and she saw his face change the Exact Moment he realized what she was saying.

"Deacon proposed to you."

"He did," she said in a quiet voice.

"Before or after I did."

"Does it matter?"

"Hell yeah it matters!"

"After."

"What did you say?"

She stared at him, rather surprised at how loud he was getting. "I didn't say anything at that moment. I already had your ring on my finger. And now I don't. I'm not ready to get married to anyone right now, Luke. I told you that, and he knows it as well."

"I see," Luke said with a low laugh. "So I guess it's just a coincidence that you take off for four days to Mexico and come back with him?"

Her head jerked up in surprise. "You knew where I was?"

"Of course I did. Your pilot was easily suckered by the promise of free concert tickets."

She tried to digest that information. "So you knew where I was…but you didn't come and find me."

"Well I didn't really appreciate the idea of all this hitting the press releases, so no, I didn't." He said, shrugging it off like it was no big deal. "Bucky said it was taken care of. He sure as hell didn't mention Deacon being the one takin care of it, though, or I probably would have come down there."

But it was a very big deal. To her it was. _He_ wasn't the one who had come after her.

She let out a long slow breath. "Listen, Luke, this isn't going to work. You and me. I care about you a lot, you know that. But…let's be honest, Deacon is always going to be there. I can't deny that anymore."

"He's only there if you let him be, Rayna," Luke said, clearly frustrated. He got up off the couch, went to the side buffet and poured himself a half a glass of whiskey. "All you gotta do is let go, and you can't seem to do that. Let him go find someone else. He'll be just fine. Trust me. He doesn't need you to babysit him anymore."

"No," Rayna said firmly, shaking her head. And now her voice was getting loud too. She hardly ever got that mad. "He's there because he's been a part of my life for 25 years, and he's also my daughter's father. He's there because I want him to be, and because I care about him. And you haven't been able to handle it since-."

"I'm handling it just fine," Luke cut her off, and downed the rest of his whiskey.

"Well I can certainly see that," she said, unable to hide a little bit of sarcasm in her voice. "Seeing as how you did punch him in the face and all."

"Yeah well, he asked for it," Luke muttered. He walked back over to the sofa, where she had risen to her feet. "If I would have known he was stupid enough to pull something like that ring, I would have hit him harder."

"I think we should probably end this conversation," Rayna said, but there was an edge to the calm in her voice. "I do care about you, Luke. We've known each other a long time. But you and I….we don't have any of the same goals, here. So let's just…end it as friends. Like we started."

Luke laughed bitterly. "Is that what I'm supposed to tell the press? Is that the show we're gonna put on now?"

"You tell the press whatever you want," she said calmly. "Frankly, I don't give a damn. But I guess it would look better on both our ends to say we're ending it as friends. "

"Did you sleep with him?"

The only question she'd been dreading. Rayna could feel the redness creeping up her neck.

"I won't justify that with an answer."

Luke just smirked. "Same old story. 25 years and nothing's changed. Well I'm not gonna be there to sit in next time he doesn't show up, Rayna. I'm done being his stand in. I'm just…done." He brushed past her and stalked out of the house, slamming the door hard.

She sank down onto the sofa, not knowing whether to be relieved or sad. Because she _had _cared about him. And none of this was fair. She'd known from the night she ended up with two rings in her hand that someone was going to get their heart broken. Her own felt a little bruised as well.

Resolutely swiping a few tears from her eyes, she picked up her phone on the coffee table.

Deacon answered on the first ring. "Hey. You okay?"

"I'm okay," she said softly, instantly feeling a little better. She could imagine him there, in that house that used to be theirs, sitting in his big old leather chair with his guitar. If he was still up he was probably writing something. He'd always been much more of a night owl than her.

"That was some trip, huh?"

She laughed quietly. "Yeah it was." No regrets. And this morning, this time when she'd awoken in his arms with the sun shining through the windows and the waves crashing outside, she'd had no doubts, no confusion. She was exactly where she was supposed to be.

"You want me to come over?"

"Nah…" she murmured. "I just wanted to hear your voice. I'm gonna go off to bed now."

"See ya tomorrow?"

"You know you will."

"Sweet dreams….Ray?"

She smiled to herself at the moniker. It had never quite sounded right coming from anyone but him. "Yeah, babe?"

"You know I love you."

"I love you too."


End file.
